MUSINGS

Well, the end of an era is officially here, this fall we will be empty nesters.  Getting The Girl graduated was a hard job.  She was so focused on getting out she lost sight of the process, never have I had to push her so hard as I did this school year.  But, she finished & she's been formally accepted by her chosen university. sigh. One battle at a time. Ex & fam came to her graduation, we played well together & they went straight home.  Not after he carefully & smoothly slipped his way back into the good graces of some old friends.  I don't know what his agenda is but I do know that if he is deciding to try & come back...I'm leaving.  Yeah, I know that sounds extreme & reactionary but I've enjoyed the peace & solitude that has come from knowing he hasn't be here to permeate my life.  I was angry when he first left because I felt like he ditched his only child and me.  He left me holding the bag & I had to ma...

I'm graduating college. I'm finally graduating college. I'm graduating from university. In 8 days, I will be a college graduate. Sorry, I'm still trying to convince myself that this isn't a wild, Percocet induced dream.  My one and only daughter will also be graduating this month, one week after me.  She has fought one hell of a battle the last year and a half, she's done an amazing job.  My little family has been through trial after trial the last couple of years.  Dark shadows clawing at the health of my husband, my child, and perhaps even myself.  The strain on our home has been overwhelming, but we still have a house and we still have our vehicles and we still have food.  And for now, we still have a place to work.  We all got this far, we'll continue to fight until the shadows abate. I still feel strange doing this at 40.  I know there are a lot of people proud of me for returning and finishing, it's not something everyone gets to a...

I've been trying to 5 months to get this written out.  I've erased.  Deleted.  Changed text and title repeatedly.  I don't know where to start or what to say.  Do I mention that I didn't color my hair for the first 3 months of the year?  It was natural walking into this year?  Like a rebirth?  Do I mention that this semester of school was neither good nor bad...it was just, there?  Do I mention that the trials so far have been rough but manageable? We are indeed in a time of change.  The world itself and in my own little home.  Without going into too many personal details, our household has been hit with some major medical whirlwinds in the last 9-10 months.  My sweet Girl has a definitive reason for her tiny-ness, she will need medical monitoring for the rest of her life.  Honey has followed suit with some common but life changing ailments of his own.  Like I said, rough but manageable.  Getting into my own cr...

Right now the universe is giving our home a hell of a ride.  Torrential rains are leaving a lasting impression on everything south and people are losing what they worked very hard to maintain.  It's heart-wrenching to watch.  I have been able to donate a little bit, not as much as I'd like but it's what I could do so I have to be OK with that.  Unfortunately Honey and I have our own battle to fight with an ancient leaky building and no funds to do a proper repair.  We just have to wait for the rain to finish what it's doing so we can try to address it as best we can.   There has been many a night in the last few years that Honey and I both have looked at what was dumped in his lap and asked..."what did I/we do to deserve this?"  He certainly didn't ask for it, in case anyone was wondering.  But..he's got it.  It's there and it isn't as simple as ditch it and walk away nor is it as simple as drain a bank account to fix one problem out of 50...

So.  Back to the courthouse today.  Yet another contempt and another Judge Advocate to hand out mediation.  The excuses flew...the "I did the best I could" was reiterated...it went as well as could be expected.  My daughter won. I can't say that I have a victorious feeling, I find the whole situation pathetic.  I never thought we'd be here once much less three times.  Never though he'd walk away from her so completely and stay so disconnected.  It's disheartening to have to force someone to act in a manner that is second nature to others in their position. It hit me the other day I've spent every year in that mans life fighting not to be cast as "that woman".  Back in the day it was to not be the wife who didn't put out enough or was boring or too spendy.  I was always terrified of being the subject of the manly chat, ya'll know the one..."yeah my old lady won't do xyz unless it's my birthday!"  "Oh yeah, well at ...

What would you think if someone asked you to protect their child over yours? I'm going to let that sink in for a moment. Now the word "child" is relative in this particular instance.  I don't necessarily mean child, as in small one, but child as in the offspring of another.  An adult is still someone's child, even at 30. A little further into the question:  What if the things the other person's child did directly affected yours?  This person is fully aware of their own actions and believes him/her self to be totally in the right.  The parent could be asking for mercy due to their own personal issues and are somewhat unaware of their child's behavior.  The kind of parent who believes their child will simply change their ways based on a call and a little fussing.  Would you still take this parents request into consideration? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a person from doing what they should.  Family illnesses, tra...

And then...she woke up. It's taken a few months.  I touched on but didn't go into details on how my year ended.  Shortly before Thanksgiving, my dad gave in to the disease that was eating him from the inside out.  He passed with my mom by his side and my sister right down the road.  It was hard.  No matter how long you wait for someone to move on, it never cushions the event.  That being said, I went into hibernation mode.  Eat/sleep/school/work/repeat.  Well, it's time to shake it off and snatch that momentum back up. My little family went camping a couple weeks back with some friends.  I'd had a bit of an epiphany prior to the trip in regard to my (our) finances and how we do things.  Me and the other wives got into a discussion about the household checkbook, and how the wives do things vs. the husband.  The women with whom I was talking each had their own methods for handling the bills and the spending.  They ranged from g...