MUSINGS

Tee hee, you saw what I did there right?  People hate that little phrase, usually because those who throw it around change for about a week and then go right back to nachos and beer. I'm not talking about dieting or making lists of intentions...we're about to embark on a little something, an actual something, not an attempt.  If 2016 was the abusive year, and 2017 was the pick up the pieces year, 2018 must have been labor pains because things got crazy for a lot of people there at the end.  There are a lot of  folks going through a major shift right now and we are in that group.  I can't say too much about it at the moment and it's killing me not to say anything at all.  A lifelong dream and ultimate retirement plan is lining up and I am so ready I can't even see straight. There's a point when you've had so many curve balls thrown at you that you just stop ducking...no you lay down and stay low until you think it's safe.  And even then you don't ...

Public school is getting started everywhere and university will be right behind it later this month.  My Girl will be headed to her own dwelling in a few days....another bird out of the nest.  While I am worried about her, I know she'll be OK.  She's got a strong foundation and a safety net should she ever need it.  I believe in her need to be an individual and try to do life on her own terms, I can't begrudge anyone their independence.  Honey asked me the other night if her father knew she was moving out..I told him I have no idea.  She doesn't talk about him at all these days, he's just a passing thought.  I know they keep in contact, he sent her a magical $50 gift card for school stuff.  Yeah I know, that's petty.  It's not the gift it's the consideration.  Screw that.  She's headed to university where she will be in charge of her own everything....life is not cheap.  You want to help?  Offer to pay her car insuranc...

Gotta keep a wound clean in order for it to heal.... Let me paint a picture: A young woman meets a young man.  They hit it off, he's funny, she's a little weird but they seem to work.  She doesn't mind hanging out with him but it's not exactly what she was looking for.  She follows her heart anyway and falls for the line "every girl wants a guy like me but never me."  Then the red flags start.  Accusations thrown at him by old friends, nothing formal is ever addressed...it's just a messy fight between what used to be friends.  He swears his innocence and she believes him.   Later on as they became serious and began discussing living arrangements, she is informed of a white collar-esque minor crime for which the interesting young man was found guilty.  His probation would be in effect for a long while affecting her should they move in together.  Yet another red flag ignored.  They move in together and soon marry, his burdens become he...

So yeah.  This year.  To say the least, it's been less than glamorous...and we still have 2 weeks to go.  I don't want to jinx it anymore than necessary. One more semester down, three to go, 2 classes at a time till it's over.  I'm not terribly excited about the nit picky way it's going but that's just because I'm impatient and I want to be finished.  I have some amazing projects lined up for this month and I'm very excited about them.  Now to just put tool to metal and I'll be OK. It's been a long strange trip.  So many things ended this year.  I don't want to say "lost" because I'm not sure anything or anyone really was lost.  I think that for the world and individuals, it's simply been the end of an era.  The baby boomers did lose many of their icons this year, it's been rough for celebrities.  Friendships have taken strange turns or fizzled out altogether, relationships have been started and ended with a strange ...

continuing on.... Concepts aside...Going from one lifestyle into another one is weird.  I've mentioned before that I'm  not exactly sure where I fit these days, that particular moment was in regard to my age.  That unsteadiness also applies to where I am in my lifestyle.  I've somewhat gotten past the feeling of boorishness when I'm around my instructors or chronological peers, I still don't feel quite "there" yet with them though. It's a biological and societal norm to run with those who are similar to yourself:  e.g., office ladies do lunch, teachers congregate, etc.  Looking deeper into that, lets say business in your particular area is high end:  brokers, attorneys, building management...those are the people who will mingle, lawyers will marry other lawyers, or perhaps a doctor...we tend to bond with those we are most similar.  So it's no weird thing to see art teachers with other artists, teachers, or writers...creators in some form or fa...

Right now the universe is giving our home a hell of a ride.  Torrential rains are leaving a lasting impression on everything south and people are losing what they worked very hard to maintain.  It's heart-wrenching to watch.  I have been able to donate a little bit, not as much as I'd like but it's what I could do so I have to be OK with that.  Unfortunately Honey and I have our own battle to fight with an ancient leaky building and no funds to do a proper repair.  We just have to wait for the rain to finish what it's doing so we can try to address it as best we can.   There has been many a night in the last few years that Honey and I both have looked at what was dumped in his lap and asked..."what did I/we do to deserve this?"  He certainly didn't ask for it, in case anyone was wondering.  But..he's got it.  It's there and it isn't as simple as ditch it and walk away nor is it as simple as drain a bank account to fix one problem out of 50...

Cajun: a member of any of the largely self-contained communities in the bayou areas of southern Louisiana formed by descendants of French Canadians, speaking an archaic form of French. That's the "official" definition.  Here's how it breaks down.  Hundreds of years ago in France, there was some dissension.  The French government cracked down on a large portion of it's population for things that were barely criminal, such as not being able to pay your taxes.  Many of these people were expelled and sent to Nova Scotia Canada, once known as Acadia.  From Nova Scotia they migrated down to Louisiana and settled in the lower central region and spread to the coast.  There are what is called "Prairie Cajuns", "Bayou Cajuns", and just...Cajuns but they are all Acadians.   Being Cajun is a fairly big thing here.  Contrary to popular belief simply being from Louisiana does not mean someone is Cajun.  There's a fair mix of people from other p...

Perimenopause.  I can hear the "click" of the mice already...those running from the base word:  menopause.  You might stick around, it doesn't hurt to get a personal thought process on something like this. What is it?  Well, the Mayo clinic defines it as this: Perimenopause means "around menopause" and refers to the time period during which a woman's body makes its natural transition toward permanent infertility (menopause). Perimenopause is also called the menopausal transition. Sadly, there is no warning.  It just happens and by the time you realize you're not insane or pregnant...it's too late.  Understanding what the problem is doesn't really help matters either.  I know there are plenty of women who walk in their crone years with relative ease or even happiness.  So far I am not one of those, I'm not kicking and screaming but I'm not ok either.  You might be saying, "wth, you're only 38!"  Yes, yes I am.  And I...

It's been a roller coaster year, a few ups, some downs, some sad, some happy.  All in all, in spite of some of the sad moments, it was really good. I ran into a few struggles that I didn't see coming, apparently I'm not super woman after all! With all my friends around me having new children I'm slipping gracefully into that part of my life being completely over.  Some mothers are celebrating firsts and others are taking on numbers 2, 3, and 5.  Having some tests run confirmed suspicions that my own hormone levels have taken their dive a little earlier than most are accustomed to, that explains some of the ragey moments over the last year plus.  It's surreal for me.  Don't get me wrong I have NO desire for more children.  Especially not a tiny one.  It's nice being the mom and step mom of individuals who are self sufficient and capable.  I like having time to do what I'd like to do and people with whom to chat that can be articulate.  But ...

I'm weird.  I always have been.  I was the strange kid at my tiny little 300 student school.  I was Catholic, wore a lot of black, listened to alternative rock, & didn't run with what crowd there was.  I'm still weird, but for totally different reasons these days. Yes, the fire red hair & propensity toward psycho-billy style is a little non-mainstream.... Being immersed in a lifestyle that you weren't raised in or exposed to is very hard.  I can get my head around the society junk, the appearances & whatnot.  Everyone wants to be thought well of.  I can wrap my head around being publicly polite to people you may not exactly like, that's what Southern folks call manners.  Now, what totally escapes me are the games & manipulation.  The truly fake accolades, the association with fake people for silly reasons, ignorant back & forth over petty things... it just blows my mind.  The spreading of exaggerated informat...

Boredom according to Mr. Webster: :   the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest      In our home, we weren't allowed to utter the word, bored.  The instant it left our lips we were put to task doing anything but being idle.  I still, to this day, use the phrase, "Idle hands are the devils workshop."  I have a habit of doing similar things with my own daughter, she is responsible for her own personal time, regardless of entertainment around her.  When she was a small child she would go to Catholic Mass with both of her grandmothers.  Her paternal grandmother would take her to the long service that had the rosary before Mass began.  She'd always let My Girl take a toy or a little book so she'd sit still and be quiet.  One of the first times my mother took her to their church with a somewhat simpler Mass, My Girl asked what she could bring to be still and quiet.  My mother told her, "nothing, you're going ...

It was a surreal Halloween this year.  I didn't decorate.  I didn't cook or celebrate, or even give out candy to the few kids who came to the door. I didn't have a little one of my own to take out & trick or treat with.  She was out of state doing teenage things & mama was left home to her own devices.  So what did mama do?  Went to a local metal show & a wedding. Halloween night hosted dinner with the Honey, something we don't get to do often anymore.  If we have the time, we don't have the cash... If we have the cash, we don't have the time.  We took advantage of families being home & went during trick or treating time.  It was nice to not have a half hour wait on Friday night.  He ended up dropping me off later that night to go support my friend's band & get some time in with one of my favorite lady friends.  Plenty of fun was had, got my fill of loud, obnoxious punk & figured out I speak "white girl" Span...

So we made it a whole year.  I'm sure there were nay-sayers out there somewhere quipping that this wouldn't happen.  Well, to them I say: PPPFFFTTTTHHHH.  Ha!  For the rest of the world that knew from jump that we'd be fine, there is a firm handshake and a wink in it for ya.  That 3+ years we spent doing the relationship dance was Nooo indicator of whether we'd make it or not. (yes sarcasm).  I'm being cynical.  I can honestly say, never once did word ever travel back to me that anyone doubted our union, however unconventional it may be. It's been an eventful year.  We've managed to keep Honey's family business alive while keeping our home intact, I started back to college after a 15 year hiatus, the kids have hit major milestones, all without complete chaos.  Not to say there haven't been some ups and downs, good moments and bad, but it's been....life.  Nothing so bad that it couldn't be handled...and nothing to tip the scale the othe...

My head is spinning. Yeah, yeah, what else is new right? I've been walking around my old campus rekindling old connections and creating all new ones, both with people and the school itself.  It was surreal at first.  During the summer while I was there, it was a bit daunting to look around me and not quite recognize what I was looking at.  You see, they are renovating and making new spaces and updating the whole campus.  There's a strange refreshing similarity/difference blend going on that sort of sneaks up on you. All the old hangouts have pretty much either been demolished or turned into something completely different.  The popular cafe when I was in college back then has long since been gone, it's a Papa John's (of all things) now.  The dorms I lived in are gone, the one he lived in is gone now too, I was witness to a portion of it's destruction just this past week.  It's very interesting to watch history be washed away and replaced.  Symb...

I really love being married.  I enjoy calling this man "my husband".  I love every aspect of our life. Those are not phrases I would have uttered years ago.  As a matter of fact I didn't just not utter them, I went out of my way to express the opposite.  Not a great way to spend a decade with another person.  Many times I was asked why I got married, some people even assumed I was pregnant pre-wedding.  (for the record I was not, that happened a year in)  I did what I believed was best at the time, there was love there, my mother pushed, he asked, we talked...poof!  Teeny wedding in the park.  I can't remember, but I'm fairly sure the justice of the peace pronounced us "man and wife".  The idea began stirring in my little brain pan last night...what's the difference between "man and wife" and "husband and wife".  I get the notion that "man and wife" is a not-so-archaic way of saying "Ugg find wife!, Ugg bring her ...