MUSINGS

So I bought a farm. Like, a for real working horse ranch.  It wasn't planned, the deal just happened to present itself and was too good to pass up.  I jumped on it like I tend to do, all four feet, all at once. Honey was feeling more cautious about it but he could see all the potential.  After some careful negotiation and some liquidation on our part, we dove in. There's a massive part of me that wants to quantify everything I want to say...but I need to just put this out there without the justifications and explanations. A few weeks back I witnessed a bit of family reality.  One of Honey's quarter horses was ill and we didn't know.  We'd bought feed about a month prior and didn't really notice that she was in a declined state.  She seemed lean but not unhealthy.  Fast forward to his father coming to him angry and disgusted believing that the horses were not being properly fed.  We go out to the field to discover that she was in very bad sha...

Cajun: a member of any of the largely self-contained communities in the bayou areas of southern Louisiana formed by descendants of French Canadians, speaking an archaic form of French. That's the "official" definition.  Here's how it breaks down.  Hundreds of years ago in France, there was some dissension.  The French government cracked down on a large portion of it's population for things that were barely criminal, such as not being able to pay your taxes.  Many of these people were expelled and sent to Nova Scotia Canada, once known as Acadia.  From Nova Scotia they migrated down to Louisiana and settled in the lower central region and spread to the coast.  There are what is called "Prairie Cajuns", "Bayou Cajuns", and just...Cajuns but they are all Acadians.   Being Cajun is a fairly big thing here.  Contrary to popular belief simply being from Louisiana does not mean someone is Cajun.  There's a fair mix of people from other p...

I've been told that we, people, undergo significant change every seven years.  I've gone back over my life several times to see if I can pinpoint any of those changes.  I suppose if I look hard enough, I can.  Childhood was childhood, but by 21 I was married with a baby on the way...by 28 I was exiting the Marine Corps, by 35 I was divorced and remarried...So yeah, I guess there's validity to that statement. It seems like this particular round the changes just keep coming.  I'm typically not one who is daunted by change, even if it's big.  It seems like the last 5 plus years have been a steady stream of....different.  From having to learn a new way of life to my body completely betraying me (thanks neck!), the constant shift in my world has been a little rough.  After the ex left I expected my friend circle to change and it did.  Most of that was a welcome change, I figured out who was toxic and who was good for me.  Back during my former l...

As much as I feel like I need   to express the weirdness of this particular holiday season, I'm just not in the mood to.   Yes it's strange, yes I'm having trouble getting into it, but that's what happens when you lose a family member and your kids are grown up.  Instead, there's been something rolling around my little brain pan of late so instead of Christmasy blues...we're going to pick on Americas most popular uber-conservative family:  The Duggars. First off, let me say:  I'm not bashing them, I don't hate or dislike them, and I'm not about to rip apart their way of life. OK, now that that's out of the way.  There's a lot of controversy with how they live and who they are.  Yes they are very devout Baptists and live according to the Patriarchal Movement.  This is a belief that holds the notion the father is the head of the household and the mother his "helpmeet".  Gender roles are very specific and held in high regard.  Thi...

I have so much flying around in my brainpan these days.  This holiday season is going to be a very strange one.  There are family separations that I don't understand, and some that I do.  I lost my father this past month and my stepson, the Boy, lost his maternal grandfather earlier this year.  Those gaps will be very hard to fill.  There are so many more things going on that I just can't wrap my head around.  Death, that makes sense.  There's a level of ignorance happening around me that I can't abide and it's caused riffs that don't make sense to me. I was a reluctant mother.  That is not something I've exactly hidden.  I also took the necessary steps to make sure I never had anymore children regardless of what doctors, family members, and friends told me about it.  I know what happens when a woman follows gender roles or wants a baby to get a paycheck from some unsuspecting sap.  I was never going to follow those patterns, the ...

So we made it a whole year.  I'm sure there were nay-sayers out there somewhere quipping that this wouldn't happen.  Well, to them I say: PPPFFFTTTTHHHH.  Ha!  For the rest of the world that knew from jump that we'd be fine, there is a firm handshake and a wink in it for ya.  That 3+ years we spent doing the relationship dance was Nooo indicator of whether we'd make it or not. (yes sarcasm).  I'm being cynical.  I can honestly say, never once did word ever travel back to me that anyone doubted our union, however unconventional it may be. It's been an eventful year.  We've managed to keep Honey's family business alive while keeping our home intact, I started back to college after a 15 year hiatus, the kids have hit major milestones, all without complete chaos.  Not to say there haven't been some ups and downs, good moments and bad, but it's been....life.  Nothing so bad that it couldn't be handled...and nothing to tip the scale the othe...

The little epiphanies just keep coming.  I've been working my way through this semester and ironically the classes I took all correlate. They also all link to where I am in my life.  Taking the appropriate steps to better myself unhindered was probably the wisest thing I've done in years....maybe ever.  It dawned on me a little ways through Humanities class why I don't read much anymore, and when I do, it's either historical fiction or some type of biographical work.  At some point around my time in Kuwait I stopped searching for the fantastic.  I stopped needing that escape that came with the novels written strictly for the imagination.  I still read (science) fiction, I haven't completely walked away from my favorite genre, but I tend toward the historically accurate works.  I like things that incorporate real life events with a personal story that is mostly created.  Because we can only guess at how the ancients lived, a writer has to fill...

My head is spinning. Yeah, yeah, what else is new right? I've been walking around my old campus rekindling old connections and creating all new ones, both with people and the school itself.  It was surreal at first.  During the summer while I was there, it was a bit daunting to look around me and not quite recognize what I was looking at.  You see, they are renovating and making new spaces and updating the whole campus.  There's a strange refreshing similarity/difference blend going on that sort of sneaks up on you. All the old hangouts have pretty much either been demolished or turned into something completely different.  The popular cafe when I was in college back then has long since been gone, it's a Papa John's (of all things) now.  The dorms I lived in are gone, the one he lived in is gone now too, I was witness to a portion of it's destruction just this past week.  It's very interesting to watch history be washed away and replaced.  Symb...

I really love being married.  I enjoy calling this man "my husband".  I love every aspect of our life. Those are not phrases I would have uttered years ago.  As a matter of fact I didn't just not utter them, I went out of my way to express the opposite.  Not a great way to spend a decade with another person.  Many times I was asked why I got married, some people even assumed I was pregnant pre-wedding.  (for the record I was not, that happened a year in)  I did what I believed was best at the time, there was love there, my mother pushed, he asked, we talked...poof!  Teeny wedding in the park.  I can't remember, but I'm fairly sure the justice of the peace pronounced us "man and wife".  The idea began stirring in my little brain pan last night...what's the difference between "man and wife" and "husband and wife".  I get the notion that "man and wife" is a not-so-archaic way of saying "Ugg find wife!, Ugg bring her ...

It's been mentioned by a couple folk that I seem to be dwelling on my past a little too much.  I guess by writing about certain things, getting them out of my head and down where I can sort through them isn't something everyone understands.  For the last year or so I've had some great but odd changes happen.  It's taken some time and effort to wrap my  head around it all. There is nothing about this life that is like the one before it.  Not one thing.  I've changed jobs-went from outside to inside-so to speak, I've gotten remarried-scary scary move, and I've gone back to college-something never before considered. I live on the opposite side of town, I live with a new mate, a new/old set of friends, my social life is different, my personal belief structure has been reaffirmed, my life is stable....etc etc etc.  There are little things that are different:  I still keep a clean house, but it's not spotless like it used to be (change).  I cook ...

I went home to the woods this past weekend to attend my nephews high school graduation.  Honey came with me and got to see for real the kind of community I came from.  I can only assume he liked it. While I was home my mother put something into perspective for me that hadn't crossed my mind before.  You see, I'm aware that I come from a poorer area, I'm aware that being raised in the country has created a pattern of thought very different from those who live where I live now.  I very often preach gratitude and appreciation.  I am quick to tell someone they don't appreciate what they have, you think someone is always going to be there for you.  I simply assumed it was backwoods Southern raisin'.  Then she said this:  "You and your sister grew up with the understanding that your father was about to die at any moment."  See, for us, there was no safety net.  After his first two heart attacks in the early 80's the rest of his, and our, lif...

I read an article on NPR this morning about laziness in America.  It wasn't written to bash anyone or anything, just an observation on life in the US beginning with the founding fathers and their attitudes towards idle time. In our home growing up, we were never allowed to utter the words "I'm bored" without repercussion.  If there were no immediate chores to be done, the answer was to go read a book, which we did with fervor.  Other than that, there was always something to be done whether it was to wipe down baseboards, dust the living room, sweep anything and everything, or pick through peas.  Sleep was not an option.  Naps were reserved for a rare Sunday afternoon and only if mama took one first.  The only real way to get out of work at the house was to leave...in our case, go hide in the woods all afternoon until she was calling us in or we got hurt and just had to get it patched up proper.  Even heading over to hide at a friends house could res...

Another spring holiday has come and gone.  After the harrowing week of random attacks of illness in my house, a few not so minor changes, and standardized testing...we needed more than a few days to breathe.  You wanna talk about rebirth???  Yeah.  We got some rebirth going on here. Our little family walked into Ostara (Easter) holiday with some heavy hearts, frazzled minds, and aching bodies.  The Girl has been raising money for school trips and whatnot as well as battling the last standardized test of her elementary career.  While I was moving and cleaning up the rest of the house, she had officially taken over the bigger of the two secondary bedrooms.  No easy feat for a teenage girl who has a TON of stuff.  Honey wound up with medical issues ranging from infection to kidney stones all in the course of 3 days.  Never have I seen a man so exhausted or in pain.  In the midst of the insanity, the Boy came back to stay with us for a whi...

 I've been running around sprucing up our house.  Little things here and there, new curtains, re-purposed furniture, a new kitchen light fixture...and who knew what a couch cover would do for the whole room??  It has taken me years to get used to decorating what (in my head) is someone else's house.  OK.  Let's be straight about it-- it's taken me years to get used to decorating a house without it ending in some kind of fight. My daughter asked me while I was hanging Spring curtains why I didn't become an interior decorator....that was a tough one to tell a child of divorced parents.  How does a mom tell her only child that her creativity was stifled at every turn after the shiny wore off? The pot hanger light that I've wanted for years. This week, Honey and I wandered off to Lowe's in search of a light fixture I'd been lusting after and potential bathroom upgrades.  We left the office with an idea...at some point in the 4 miles between our offi...

That pretty little port town in deep south Louisiana.  New Orleeens, N'awlins, N'worlins....However you decide to pronounce it (and no, you'll never nail it like a local), it's still a magical place to visit. I've been there countless times since I was 16 years old.  One of my very best friends is from the West Bank, the more laid back residential section.  The area most folks hit is what we refer to as The Quarter....the French Quarter- Downtown, East Bank, Business District, Red light District.  It's an amazing place full of history, magic, and mystery.  There are Voodoo shops, strip clubs, 5 star hotels, Armani stops, and Walgreen's.  Little restaurants tucked away in unexpected corners.  It's rare that I get to go and play the part of the tour guide, but in the last year or so I've had that pleasure a couple of times.  Once for some Austinites who accompanied another best friend of mine in for a weekend, and then this week with my sister in ...