MUSINGS

Perimenopause.  I can hear the "click" of the mice already...those running from the base word:  menopause.  You might stick around, it doesn't hurt to get a personal thought process on something like this. What is it?  Well, the Mayo clinic defines it as this: Perimenopause means "around menopause" and refers to the time period during which a woman's body makes its natural transition toward permanent infertility (menopause). Perimenopause is also called the menopausal transition. Sadly, there is no warning.  It just happens and by the time you realize you're not insane or pregnant...it's too late.  Understanding what the problem is doesn't really help matters either.  I know there are plenty of women who walk in their crone years with relative ease or even happiness.  So far I am not one of those, I'm not kicking and screaming but I'm not ok either.  You might be saying, "wth, you're only 38!"  Yes, yes I am.  And I...

It came...and it went.  It wasn't bad, we went camping for the weekend at a nice little state park not far from where we live.  I came away with a few bug bites, a new gnome for my flowers, and a cute wine glass to replace my favored one that I accidentally broke. For some weird reason I dreaded that holiday this year.  I wasn't looking forward to it...at all.  The topic of growing older/aging/maturing has come up in a couple different conversations with different people lately.  As you start moving up in years you begin to look backwards at either what you've done or what you've witnessed.  Our examples of who to be usually start with whomever had a hand in raising us.  I know that I'm like my mother.  I don't trust easily, I don't allow myself to get close to people, I'm very very cautious.  One of the biggest differences between us is how my relationship is with my own child.  We are nothing like my mother and I were at this same mo...

I had two and a half paragraphs written up about money and how I am the queen of bill collector calls, etc.  I even had a Pink Floyd video ready to go.  Then Mother's day happened.   I guess I pour all this out to find some clarity or maybe it's all just psycho-therapy.  At this point it's one of the few things that keeps my head straight and bits of the anxiety at bay.  I've been studying human behaviors and why people do things or say things.  A good friend of mine and I psychoanalyze one another on the regular, she and I tend to be each others' mirror.  There are some behaviors I'm familiar with simply because I've seen/dealt with enough people with those patterns.  There are others that I've seen but throw me off to such a degree that I have to recover from the shock of being exposed to it.  One thing I have learned about myself:  I am no good at being a step parent.  I have completely failed in the 5 years I've had an ...

I almost posted this in my other blog but I thought it needed a bigger audience. Preface:  if there are men who are not hip the ways and wiles of women, type in a new page now, cause you're going to get inundated.  For all others who have a backbone, a uterus, or a healthy respect for the fairer sex, read on my friends.  Read on. I've had many friends over the years mourn or flat out hate their periods.  I mean, wishing they didn't have it, grateful for hysterectomy's, dreading the days as they grew closer.  Women of great strength and intellect, valor and pride, moms, wives, lovers...it never ceases to amaze me.  I have never been one of them per se.  Have I had those rough days where I hated being a woman? Sure.  We all have.  Whether is was Aunt Flow coming to pay her monthly visit or men not respecting us in the workplace, or even our fathers not letting us play ball, we've all had those moments.  The problem is letting those momen...

I know, I've been on a tear lately about sex and the Feminine Divine and all that.  The subject is hitting closer and closer to home as my daughter matures.  You see I didn't have much sex education growing up, as a matter of fact, I had practically none.  Had it not been for my sister breaking out some library books for me around 13 or 14 years old, I'm not sure where exactly I'd have been.  By the time I was 19 I'd had plenty of extra-curricular and plenty of boyfriends and had never been to a gynecologist.  Had no idea what they did or why.  I was terrified. There have been articles and things floating all over Facebook, THIS being one, that have given different opinions and outlooks on teenagers and sex.  There are plenty of people that don't believe sex education should be taught in schools.  There are also folks who are bound and determined to keep the flow of information as handy as possible.  I am one of those.  Vehemently as ...

  So, it's not secret that I have a slight fascination with women of strength.  I very often have pics of fictional female characters and some historical ones that are, in a word, Bad ass. Boudicca of the Iceni     I am using hurricane boredom to do some research and reading about ancient woman warriors.  There are a lot, from just about every culture.  It makes me wonder, when in history did women become so fragile, so fair, that they had to be sheltered?  There are tales of women going back to the 17 century B.C. of women who fought along side their male compatriots and on their own.  These women were not fair and meek, they were cunning and dangerous.  Women such as Boudicca the Iceni Queen who raged against the Romans in Britain, the Trung sisters fought against the Chinese in Vietnam, Joan of Arc fought for God, and so many others.    I've been told in the past that I can be intimidating.  I have...

Roe Vs. Wade   I've been mulling over this rape issue in the media.  There have been some amazing, surprising, not-surprising, reprehensible and thoughtless things that have fallen out of the mouths of men we pay to make our laws.  It all began as a shock value statement in regard to abortion.  That's a subject that will never be settled, period.  Every person, male and female has an opinion about it, some are religious based, some are science based, some are simply what they feel in their gut to be right or wrong.  With the media culture running wild and free these days, we are focusing more and more on the extremes in people.  The GOP is trying very hard to combat a very left wing President and Congress right now, both sides are fighting for control so they're both going balls out to make a point.  No one is filtering, on one is thinking, and they are all trying to shock the people into doing what they want.  The simple fact remains ...

I want to take a photograph of my hands, now at 35 and perhaps again in 30 years or so.  I probably won't do it, but it's a neat thought.  I'm sort of obsessed with hands, men's, women's, little children; I used to chew on my daughters fingers when she was an infant.  I thought her little hands were the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.  I did it for years till she drew back one day and I knew it was time to stop nibbling on my little ones fingertips.  There's line in one of my favourite books referencing the character's mother's hands....she described the red nail polish just applied the day before and how they always smelled of Jergen's lotion.  It often makes me think on my own mother's hands, they have always looked very.....capable, and always smell clean.  Always clean, because my mother, child of the 50's, is always cleaning.  Sometimes I think I see some of that same capability in my own.  Whether real or added, my nails a...

I wish that Sunday's weren't just another work day, but in my world they are.  Years ago Sunday's stopped being a day of rest for me.  Sunday's are laundry day, get the rest of the house clean day, yard day, and now cleaning the offices day.  Why don't I do it on Saturday you ask?  Well, because Saturdays are work days too, I can't cram it all into one.  Well, leave it, a little dirt or laundry never hurt anyone....yeah well, when it can't be dealt with over the course of the week it does.  I've never been one to let something sit.  I can't, it eats me alive.  It's harder now because I have a much longer commute to work so my days are cut down even more.  Leave the house before 7 am and get home well after 5.  There's barely enough time to see my people before dinner, baths and bed.  Such is the life of the mama.  Most mothers do way too much.  We give up our lives for those around us, it's part of the process.  T...