MUSINGS

It's been so long since I made this a regular thing, I have almost forgotten how to spill it.  Something in the last year or two flipped in me that made me not want to type anything out.  Kind of a self censorship because I began telling myself that I shouldn't be putting all the things out there the way I have in the past.  Then it hit me in the last 24 hours that when I was typing the BS out of my head, it was much easier to manage.  It's irrelevant to me if anyone else reads it, it was always about clearing the cobwebs out of my own head.  So why'd I stop? We're still tending wounds as the year winds down.  Wounds of all sorts and kinds: physical ones, mental ones, internal and external.  There are going to be some lasting impressions once all of this dies down.  If last year was a roller coaster, this year must be a drop ride.  Ya know the ones, they take you way high in the air, let you think you're safe and then suddenly it lets go an...

Right now...I feel like I'm covered in them.  The usual array that show up here and there because I'm clumsy, a deep deep one just below my elbow (makes doing common things challenging), and a fresh one in the webbing between my thumb and forefinger on the same arm as the elbow bruise.  A beaten and battered heart that is taking a lot longer to heal up. So.  This time last year my father passed away.  I didn't announce it to many people, even though I shared the funeral details on social media...most people didn't connect that the person was my own dad.  A little over a month ago my old boss and mentor passed away, unexpectedly to me.  I hadn't seen him in quite a while and didn't know if his illnesses had progressed.  Most recently my former father in law.  He was in my life for the last 17 years.  Ex left the state about 4 years ago, that left me to bring the Girl to see her grandparents and make sure she spent time with them.  A one...

It was a surreal Halloween this year.  I didn't decorate.  I didn't cook or celebrate, or even give out candy to the few kids who came to the door. I didn't have a little one of my own to take out & trick or treat with.  She was out of state doing teenage things & mama was left home to her own devices.  So what did mama do?  Went to a local metal show & a wedding. Halloween night hosted dinner with the Honey, something we don't get to do often anymore.  If we have the time, we don't have the cash... If we have the cash, we don't have the time.  We took advantage of families being home & went during trick or treating time.  It was nice to not have a half hour wait on Friday night.  He ended up dropping me off later that night to go support my friend's band & get some time in with one of my favorite lady friends.  Plenty of fun was had, got my fill of loud, obnoxious punk & figured out I speak "white girl" Span...

So we made it a whole year.  I'm sure there were nay-sayers out there somewhere quipping that this wouldn't happen.  Well, to them I say: PPPFFFTTTTHHHH.  Ha!  For the rest of the world that knew from jump that we'd be fine, there is a firm handshake and a wink in it for ya.  That 3+ years we spent doing the relationship dance was Nooo indicator of whether we'd make it or not. (yes sarcasm).  I'm being cynical.  I can honestly say, never once did word ever travel back to me that anyone doubted our union, however unconventional it may be. It's been an eventful year.  We've managed to keep Honey's family business alive while keeping our home intact, I started back to college after a 15 year hiatus, the kids have hit major milestones, all without complete chaos.  Not to say there haven't been some ups and downs, good moments and bad, but it's been....life.  Nothing so bad that it couldn't be handled...and nothing to tip the scale the othe...

I really love being married.  I enjoy calling this man "my husband".  I love every aspect of our life. Those are not phrases I would have uttered years ago.  As a matter of fact I didn't just not utter them, I went out of my way to express the opposite.  Not a great way to spend a decade with another person.  Many times I was asked why I got married, some people even assumed I was pregnant pre-wedding.  (for the record I was not, that happened a year in)  I did what I believed was best at the time, there was love there, my mother pushed, he asked, we talked...poof!  Teeny wedding in the park.  I can't remember, but I'm fairly sure the justice of the peace pronounced us "man and wife".  The idea began stirring in my little brain pan last night...what's the difference between "man and wife" and "husband and wife".  I get the notion that "man and wife" is a not-so-archaic way of saying "Ugg find wife!, Ugg bring her ...

It's been mentioned by a couple folk that I seem to be dwelling on my past a little too much.  I guess by writing about certain things, getting them out of my head and down where I can sort through them isn't something everyone understands.  For the last year or so I've had some great but odd changes happen.  It's taken some time and effort to wrap my  head around it all. There is nothing about this life that is like the one before it.  Not one thing.  I've changed jobs-went from outside to inside-so to speak, I've gotten remarried-scary scary move, and I've gone back to college-something never before considered. I live on the opposite side of town, I live with a new mate, a new/old set of friends, my social life is different, my personal belief structure has been reaffirmed, my life is stable....etc etc etc.  There are little things that are different:  I still keep a clean house, but it's not spotless like it used to be (change).  I cook ...

 I've been running around sprucing up our house.  Little things here and there, new curtains, re-purposed furniture, a new kitchen light fixture...and who knew what a couch cover would do for the whole room??  It has taken me years to get used to decorating what (in my head) is someone else's house.  OK.  Let's be straight about it-- it's taken me years to get used to decorating a house without it ending in some kind of fight. My daughter asked me while I was hanging Spring curtains why I didn't become an interior decorator....that was a tough one to tell a child of divorced parents.  How does a mom tell her only child that her creativity was stifled at every turn after the shiny wore off? The pot hanger light that I've wanted for years. This week, Honey and I wandered off to Lowe's in search of a light fixture I'd been lusting after and potential bathroom upgrades.  We left the office with an idea...at some point in the 4 miles between our offi...

I've waited quite a while to lay this one down.  I guess I had to find my own voice on the subject before I could open that door.  Because I am no expert on anything, I gathered some wisdom from some ladies and gents around me to hand over their voices on the subject.  Originally this was going to be geared toward the women...but then it hit me, I've seen just as many men walked on as I have women.  So: To the Southern Divorcee (male or female) in training....here's a checklist of wisdom.  What we would have wanted (or needed) someone to tell us at that time in our lives.  Enjoy. First and foremost, you are stronger than you believe.  No matter how bad or ugly a situation looks, it's not going to last forever and yes, you can get past it.  Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes they crash and burn, sometimes...you just gotta leave.  No matter what the situation, hold your head high and don't forget...you are important and strong...

I think 2013 has been good....it had to be right?  Business is picking up, the kids are healthy, neither house has fallen in on itself, the bills are paid, the trucks run.... I think everyone sets themselves up to try to make major changes from one year to the next.  Each New Years is like a new slate, clean and fresh, ready for new beginnings.  Everyone wants to put away that one bad habit they just can't kick or take up something new they always wanted to try.  Still others are searching for that peace:  the end to that bad relationship, the release of toxic people or ideas, or perhaps simply to clarify their own mind and inner daemons.  I am by no means immune to any of this.  Each year starts off with the classic, "I will lose weight".  There was one year that I did it, I maintained my figure and was satisfied with the image in the mirror.  I will be there again.  Apologies in advance if any of my posts are riddled with fitness mot...

I got remarried this weekend.  It's been 4 years since my first marriage ended with my ex walking out and moving in across the road.  We sat and had a talk later that week and he told me we would never get back together.  When he told me that, I said, "OK, it's over".  I haven't looked back since, and after some recent events, I'm grateful I haven't.  I was told several times that the second time around is the best, so far, I believe every word of that. In the last couple of years, I've been called names, my spirituality has been questioned, my resolve has been tested, and so has my faith in it all.  I went from believing that love was just another 4-letter word, to knowing that it is real.  I have found friends in unlikely people, seen the true colours in others, and rekindled relationships that were long overdue.  I walked into my divorce with the notion that I would never, ever remarry.  I assumed that he was the best I would ever do or ...

Remember all that talk about Kharma in the last couple of posts?  Call it what you will, Kharma, The Golden Rule, The Three-Fold Law...it all comes down to one point:  You get back what you put into the world.  Period. I would like to think that everyone is working on themselves in some form or fashion.  Whether they are doing the physical things to keep themselves healthy, or the mental things to keep themselves aligned, or both to keep themselves balanced, I hope we are all working for a positive goal.  For me that goal is to do as much as I possibly can for those I come in contact with.  As with any endeavor there are times when I have fallen short and flat out failed.  For the last 5 years I have believed my marriage to be one of the failures.  Was it?  Maybe.  But I can't say for certain anymore. I have been told numerous times over the last few years that it took two to make it and two to break it.  For a long while I vehe...

Chicken and tasso simmering in a Mag-na-Lite skillet, cold beer next to me, my girl soaking up some TV while she folds laundry, the Honey in the shower after a long, hot day.  My house is finally feeling like my home.  I've been in this house for three years now.  Everyday has contained a new lesson, a new awakening and has given me purpose.  This past week I spent on a cruise ship soaking up the sun and just being.  I got to put my hands on ancient structures, climb a temple, and have too-strong drinks with some wonderful people.  Amid sunburns, hangovers, perfect blue water and beautiful young bodies I came alive again.  Upon coming home my eyes opened to things I forgot to appreciate:  a loving generous daughter, a kind open-hearted man, and a home that has been mine all along. Yes, we are doing the YMCA at the top of a Mayan Temple Five days aboard a beautiful vessel was about as much fun as I've had in years.  We danced, we sang, w...

My daughter asked me a while back to write a blog about our cat Texi.  Kids being kids, I smiled and said, "Ok", logged it away in my phone and went on about my business.  My thoughts are a bit jumbled these days, I have a lot going on and it's not going to slow down for a bit, SO:  a cat blog it shall be. Texi napping with the baby  We have three in the house, Texi, our 9 year old male; Princess, our ~6 year old female; and the new addition T.C., our grey female baby cat.  As with all things they have unique personalities and they are part of us.  Growing up we always had cats outside, every once in a while mom would cave and we'd have a inside/outside one.  Texi was a great grandchild of one of my last mama cats, he is what I call a mock Siamese...he's white with dark accents, but as he got older his main colour darkened...he's gorgeous, de-clawed on the front and a total queen.  He used to steal my daughters barbie clothes and accessorie...