MUSINGS

Right now...I feel like I'm covered in them.  The usual array that show up here and there because I'm clumsy, a deep deep one just below my elbow (makes doing common things challenging), and a fresh one in the webbing between my thumb and forefinger on the same arm as the elbow bruise.  A beaten and battered heart that is taking a lot longer to heal up. So.  This time last year my father passed away.  I didn't announce it to many people, even though I shared the funeral details on social media...most people didn't connect that the person was my own dad.  A little over a month ago my old boss and mentor passed away, unexpectedly to me.  I hadn't seen him in quite a while and didn't know if his illnesses had progressed.  Most recently my former father in law.  He was in my life for the last 17 years.  Ex left the state about 4 years ago, that left me to bring the Girl to see her grandparents and make sure she spent time with them.  A one hour drive one way, just

So.  Back to the courthouse today.  Yet another contempt and another Judge Advocate to hand out mediation.  The excuses flew...the "I did the best I could" was reiterated...it went as well as could be expected.  My daughter won. I can't say that I have a victorious feeling, I find the whole situation pathetic.  I never thought we'd be here once much less three times.  Never though he'd walk away from her so completely and stay so disconnected.  It's disheartening to have to force someone to act in a manner that is second nature to others in their position. It hit me the other day I've spent every year in that mans life fighting not to be cast as "that woman".  Back in the day it was to not be the wife who didn't put out enough or was boring or too spendy.  I was always terrified of being the subject of the manly chat, ya'll know the one..."yeah my old lady won't do xyz unless it's my birthday!"  "Oh yeah, well at