MUSINGS

I Googled this because I was curious to see if it was really a thing.  Apparently it is!  But each link on the first page referenced employment in some manner or life in general.   What if a person doesn't have a mediocre life but does mediocre things for others?  When treating themselves they buy tickets to their favorite sports game or explore a new restaurant on a regular basis.  They take full advantage of anything that makes them feel happy and fulfilled.  That's what they will do for themselves. For those around them, on the other hand... "Well I did the best I could!"   Really?  Did you?  Did you really do the very best thing you could do?  Did you sacrifice a little of what you do for yourself to give a little more than the bare minimum?  If the answer is anything but a verifiable 'Yes', then they are practicing detrimental mediocrity.  I say detrimental because it will end up having that kind of effect...

Public school is getting started everywhere and university will be right behind it later this month.  My Girl will be headed to her own dwelling in a few days....another bird out of the nest.  While I am worried about her, I know she'll be OK.  She's got a strong foundation and a safety net should she ever need it.  I believe in her need to be an individual and try to do life on her own terms, I can't begrudge anyone their independence.  Honey asked me the other night if her father knew she was moving out..I told him I have no idea.  She doesn't talk about him at all these days, he's just a passing thought.  I know they keep in contact, he sent her a magical $50 gift card for school stuff.  Yeah I know, that's petty.  It's not the gift it's the consideration.  Screw that.  She's headed to university where she will be in charge of her own everything....life is not cheap.  You want to help?  Offer to pay her car insuranc...

Well, the end of an era is officially here, this fall we will be empty nesters.  Getting The Girl graduated was a hard job.  She was so focused on getting out she lost sight of the process, never have I had to push her so hard as I did this school year.  But, she finished & she's been formally accepted by her chosen university. sigh. One battle at a time. Ex & fam came to her graduation, we played well together & they went straight home.  Not after he carefully & smoothly slipped his way back into the good graces of some old friends.  I don't know what his agenda is but I do know that if he is deciding to try & come back...I'm leaving.  Yeah, I know that sounds extreme & reactionary but I've enjoyed the peace & solitude that has come from knowing he hasn't be here to permeate my life.  I was angry when he first left because I felt like he ditched his only child and me.  He left me holding the bag & I had to ma...

I've been trying to 5 months to get this written out.  I've erased.  Deleted.  Changed text and title repeatedly.  I don't know where to start or what to say.  Do I mention that I didn't color my hair for the first 3 months of the year?  It was natural walking into this year?  Like a rebirth?  Do I mention that this semester of school was neither good nor bad...it was just, there?  Do I mention that the trials so far have been rough but manageable? We are indeed in a time of change.  The world itself and in my own little home.  Without going into too many personal details, our household has been hit with some major medical whirlwinds in the last 9-10 months.  My sweet Girl has a definitive reason for her tiny-ness, she will need medical monitoring for the rest of her life.  Honey has followed suit with some common but life changing ailments of his own.  Like I said, rough but manageable.  Getting into my own cr...

Right now...I feel like I'm covered in them.  The usual array that show up here and there because I'm clumsy, a deep deep one just below my elbow (makes doing common things challenging), and a fresh one in the webbing between my thumb and forefinger on the same arm as the elbow bruise.  A beaten and battered heart that is taking a lot longer to heal up. So.  This time last year my father passed away.  I didn't announce it to many people, even though I shared the funeral details on social media...most people didn't connect that the person was my own dad.  A little over a month ago my old boss and mentor passed away, unexpectedly to me.  I hadn't seen him in quite a while and didn't know if his illnesses had progressed.  Most recently my former father in law.  He was in my life for the last 17 years.  Ex left the state about 4 years ago, that left me to bring the Girl to see her grandparents and make sure she spent time with them.  A one...

So.  Back to the courthouse today.  Yet another contempt and another Judge Advocate to hand out mediation.  The excuses flew...the "I did the best I could" was reiterated...it went as well as could be expected.  My daughter won. I can't say that I have a victorious feeling, I find the whole situation pathetic.  I never thought we'd be here once much less three times.  Never though he'd walk away from her so completely and stay so disconnected.  It's disheartening to have to force someone to act in a manner that is second nature to others in their position. It hit me the other day I've spent every year in that mans life fighting not to be cast as "that woman".  Back in the day it was to not be the wife who didn't put out enough or was boring or too spendy.  I was always terrified of being the subject of the manly chat, ya'll know the one..."yeah my old lady won't do xyz unless it's my birthday!"  "Oh yeah, well at ...

**Disclaimer:  This started out a nice li'l blog about life decisions and whatnot.  Then my fingers started typing and I let it happen.  Enter at your own risk. So here we are.  Another rainy Southern September.  School is in full swing for The Girl and me.  I've got studio classes and she's kicking ass and taking names in her honors courses and trying to maintain a social life.  Things are trucking on with ease. No.  No crash, no "BUT"....things are going as well as they can in a troubled market.  I'm grateful that the Honey is resourceful and works as much and as hard as he does every week.  Having to work for yourself is not easy by any stretch but he makes the best of it.  The oil field tanked early this year and it's made things harder than we are accustomed to but it's nothing we can't handle.  I made the comment to her father a month or so ago that he had a lot of faith in our situation and the man I married. ...

What would you think if someone asked you to protect their child over yours? I'm going to let that sink in for a moment. Now the word "child" is relative in this particular instance.  I don't necessarily mean child, as in small one, but child as in the offspring of another.  An adult is still someone's child, even at 30. A little further into the question:  What if the things the other person's child did directly affected yours?  This person is fully aware of their own actions and believes him/her self to be totally in the right.  The parent could be asking for mercy due to their own personal issues and are somewhat unaware of their child's behavior.  The kind of parent who believes their child will simply change their ways based on a call and a little fussing.  Would you still take this parents request into consideration? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a person from doing what they should.  Family illnesses, tra...

It came...and it went.  It wasn't bad, we went camping for the weekend at a nice little state park not far from where we live.  I came away with a few bug bites, a new gnome for my flowers, and a cute wine glass to replace my favored one that I accidentally broke. For some weird reason I dreaded that holiday this year.  I wasn't looking forward to it...at all.  The topic of growing older/aging/maturing has come up in a couple different conversations with different people lately.  As you start moving up in years you begin to look backwards at either what you've done or what you've witnessed.  Our examples of who to be usually start with whomever had a hand in raising us.  I know that I'm like my mother.  I don't trust easily, I don't allow myself to get close to people, I'm very very cautious.  One of the biggest differences between us is how my relationship is with my own child.  We are nothing like my mother and I were at this same mo...

I'm weird.  I always have been.  I was the strange kid at my tiny little 300 student school.  I was Catholic, wore a lot of black, listened to alternative rock, & didn't run with what crowd there was.  I'm still weird, but for totally different reasons these days. Yes, the fire red hair & propensity toward psycho-billy style is a little non-mainstream.... Being immersed in a lifestyle that you weren't raised in or exposed to is very hard.  I can get my head around the society junk, the appearances & whatnot.  Everyone wants to be thought well of.  I can wrap my head around being publicly polite to people you may not exactly like, that's what Southern folks call manners.  Now, what totally escapes me are the games & manipulation.  The truly fake accolades, the association with fake people for silly reasons, ignorant back & forth over petty things... it just blows my mind.  The spreading of exaggerated informat...

Boredom according to Mr. Webster: :   the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest      In our home, we weren't allowed to utter the word, bored.  The instant it left our lips we were put to task doing anything but being idle.  I still, to this day, use the phrase, "Idle hands are the devils workshop."  I have a habit of doing similar things with my own daughter, she is responsible for her own personal time, regardless of entertainment around her.  When she was a small child she would go to Catholic Mass with both of her grandmothers.  Her paternal grandmother would take her to the long service that had the rosary before Mass began.  She'd always let My Girl take a toy or a little book so she'd sit still and be quiet.  One of the first times my mother took her to their church with a somewhat simpler Mass, My Girl asked what she could bring to be still and quiet.  My mother told her, "nothing, you're going ...

It's been mentioned by a couple folk that I seem to be dwelling on my past a little too much.  I guess by writing about certain things, getting them out of my head and down where I can sort through them isn't something everyone understands.  For the last year or so I've had some great but odd changes happen.  It's taken some time and effort to wrap my  head around it all. There is nothing about this life that is like the one before it.  Not one thing.  I've changed jobs-went from outside to inside-so to speak, I've gotten remarried-scary scary move, and I've gone back to college-something never before considered. I live on the opposite side of town, I live with a new mate, a new/old set of friends, my social life is different, my personal belief structure has been reaffirmed, my life is stable....etc etc etc.  There are little things that are different:  I still keep a clean house, but it's not spotless like it used to be (change).  I cook ...

I had two and a half paragraphs written up about money and how I am the queen of bill collector calls, etc.  I even had a Pink Floyd video ready to go.  Then Mother's day happened.   I guess I pour all this out to find some clarity or maybe it's all just psycho-therapy.  At this point it's one of the few things that keeps my head straight and bits of the anxiety at bay.  I've been studying human behaviors and why people do things or say things.  A good friend of mine and I psychoanalyze one another on the regular, she and I tend to be each others' mirror.  There are some behaviors I'm familiar with simply because I've seen/dealt with enough people with those patterns.  There are others that I've seen but throw me off to such a degree that I have to recover from the shock of being exposed to it.  One thing I have learned about myself:  I am no good at being a step parent.  I have completely failed in the 5 years I've had an ...

I read an article on NPR this morning about laziness in America.  It wasn't written to bash anyone or anything, just an observation on life in the US beginning with the founding fathers and their attitudes towards idle time. In our home growing up, we were never allowed to utter the words "I'm bored" without repercussion.  If there were no immediate chores to be done, the answer was to go read a book, which we did with fervor.  Other than that, there was always something to be done whether it was to wipe down baseboards, dust the living room, sweep anything and everything, or pick through peas.  Sleep was not an option.  Naps were reserved for a rare Sunday afternoon and only if mama took one first.  The only real way to get out of work at the house was to leave...in our case, go hide in the woods all afternoon until she was calling us in or we got hurt and just had to get it patched up proper.  Even heading over to hide at a friends house could res...

Over Labour Day weekend I attended my second ever high school football game, ate my umpteenth home made cupcake, frosted my sisters hair, and taught my daughter and my niece what it is to be a Southern Woman.  Yes those two are both in caps, why?  Because it's a title, that's why.  Yes, to my own embarrassment I have only attended a couple of high school football games, this last one being one for my God-child.  My school was too small to offer football, but we did have basketball and I was at most of those games on any given Tuesday or Friday night.  I don't know how it is up north, but I do know down here, we take sports and togetherness seriously.  Most outsiders probably think we're obsessed with the game itself (I'm sure for most that's true) but there's also a sense of community that comes with those events.  Multiple parents yelling at referees, moms and dads watching their hard earned cash get covered in dust, sweat, and a little blood, all...