MUSINGS

The first year and a half back in school was kind of a novelty.  Being back on my favorite campus, new book bag, new shoes...you know the drill.  Classes were fun, I knew all the answers and things weren't complicated.  All of the sudden, I wasn't making little artsy things to put in a sales window.  Suddenly I was expected to think of concepts and put my voice out there using a medium. Wait. Hold up...you want me to do what?? Yeah.  Be loud and proud about something.  Thus far, this is pretty much the only place I've been loud and proud with anything.  I have readers but I don't have this massive following, so it's kind of like going to confession...I can't see the priest and he can't see me. The first couple of art classes were technical, they were based in method and formal aspects of creating art.  Well, I'm not in the beginning stages anymore.  It's time to think.  It's time to find what matters to me and let it be seen. ...

Mardi Gras.  A south Louisiana tradition.  There are parades, bands at every bar, almost 2 full weeks of revelry.  And there are balls.  Gorgeous, fun, glitter filled debutante nights of floor length gowns, champagne, big hair, and all the best schwag you can collect.  Beads are like gold here.  There are good beads, OK beads, great beads, and flat out crappy beads.  Typically you want the flashy ones, the ones that have medallions on them, or something that sets them apart.  I like the ones that are big and colorful:  bright pink, pearl, or gold.  But I have plenty that have something really great, like masks or babies.  I have a tendency to dive for doubloons also.  They aren't made of metal anymore but they are still collectors items and I have plenty. This years Krewe of Rio stash This year I accompanied a good friend of mine to a more upper tier ball.  The way Mardi Gras works here, each Krewe has a celebration...

Perimenopause.  I can hear the "click" of the mice already...those running from the base word:  menopause.  You might stick around, it doesn't hurt to get a personal thought process on something like this. What is it?  Well, the Mayo clinic defines it as this: Perimenopause means "around menopause" and refers to the time period during which a woman's body makes its natural transition toward permanent infertility (menopause). Perimenopause is also called the menopausal transition. Sadly, there is no warning.  It just happens and by the time you realize you're not insane or pregnant...it's too late.  Understanding what the problem is doesn't really help matters either.  I know there are plenty of women who walk in their crone years with relative ease or even happiness.  So far I am not one of those, I'm not kicking and screaming but I'm not ok either.  You might be saying, "wth, you're only 38!"  Yes, yes I am.  And I...

So.  Back to the courthouse today.  Yet another contempt and another Judge Advocate to hand out mediation.  The excuses flew...the "I did the best I could" was reiterated...it went as well as could be expected.  My daughter won. I can't say that I have a victorious feeling, I find the whole situation pathetic.  I never thought we'd be here once much less three times.  Never though he'd walk away from her so completely and stay so disconnected.  It's disheartening to have to force someone to act in a manner that is second nature to others in their position. It hit me the other day I've spent every year in that mans life fighting not to be cast as "that woman".  Back in the day it was to not be the wife who didn't put out enough or was boring or too spendy.  I was always terrified of being the subject of the manly chat, ya'll know the one..."yeah my old lady won't do xyz unless it's my birthday!"  "Oh yeah, well at ...

**Disclaimer:  This started out a nice li'l blog about life decisions and whatnot.  Then my fingers started typing and I let it happen.  Enter at your own risk. So here we are.  Another rainy Southern September.  School is in full swing for The Girl and me.  I've got studio classes and she's kicking ass and taking names in her honors courses and trying to maintain a social life.  Things are trucking on with ease. No.  No crash, no "BUT"....things are going as well as they can in a troubled market.  I'm grateful that the Honey is resourceful and works as much and as hard as he does every week.  Having to work for yourself is not easy by any stretch but he makes the best of it.  The oil field tanked early this year and it's made things harder than we are accustomed to but it's nothing we can't handle.  I made the comment to her father a month or so ago that he had a lot of faith in our situation and the man I married. ...

What would you think if someone asked you to protect their child over yours? I'm going to let that sink in for a moment. Now the word "child" is relative in this particular instance.  I don't necessarily mean child, as in small one, but child as in the offspring of another.  An adult is still someone's child, even at 30. A little further into the question:  What if the things the other person's child did directly affected yours?  This person is fully aware of their own actions and believes him/her self to be totally in the right.  The parent could be asking for mercy due to their own personal issues and are somewhat unaware of their child's behavior.  The kind of parent who believes their child will simply change their ways based on a call and a little fussing.  Would you still take this parents request into consideration? Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a person from doing what they should.  Family illnesses, tra...

So, it's no secret that Honey and I were both in previous marriages. Well, as with all things, it takes a lot of soul searching and team work to leave the past in the past and try to build something brand spanking new.  Sometimes it isn't what one past relationship left you with, sometimes it's several things that happened over a series of years.  Honey and I have very different relationship pasts.  His was slow to develop.  It began with a short lived-shotgun wedding, a bad divorce, and ultimately dated similar women with similar motives for years.  I dated throughout high school and college, agreed to a marriage I wasn't ready for and stayed in it for a decade.  We come from slightly different familial backgrounds as well, my parents were married to each other for over 40 years whereas his were divorced and the children split up.  Those who love psychoanalysis will tell you that our relationships with our parents tend to determine our relationships...

It came...and it went.  It wasn't bad, we went camping for the weekend at a nice little state park not far from where we live.  I came away with a few bug bites, a new gnome for my flowers, and a cute wine glass to replace my favored one that I accidentally broke. For some weird reason I dreaded that holiday this year.  I wasn't looking forward to it...at all.  The topic of growing older/aging/maturing has come up in a couple different conversations with different people lately.  As you start moving up in years you begin to look backwards at either what you've done or what you've witnessed.  Our examples of who to be usually start with whomever had a hand in raising us.  I know that I'm like my mother.  I don't trust easily, I don't allow myself to get close to people, I'm very very cautious.  One of the biggest differences between us is how my relationship is with my own child.  We are nothing like my mother and I were at this same mo...

And then...she woke up. It's taken a few months.  I touched on but didn't go into details on how my year ended.  Shortly before Thanksgiving, my dad gave in to the disease that was eating him from the inside out.  He passed with my mom by his side and my sister right down the road.  It was hard.  No matter how long you wait for someone to move on, it never cushions the event.  That being said, I went into hibernation mode.  Eat/sleep/school/work/repeat.  Well, it's time to shake it off and snatch that momentum back up. My little family went camping a couple weeks back with some friends.  I'd had a bit of an epiphany prior to the trip in regard to my (our) finances and how we do things.  Me and the other wives got into a discussion about the household checkbook, and how the wives do things vs. the husband.  The women with whom I was talking each had their own methods for handling the bills and the spending.  They ranged from g...

As much as I feel like I need   to express the weirdness of this particular holiday season, I'm just not in the mood to.   Yes it's strange, yes I'm having trouble getting into it, but that's what happens when you lose a family member and your kids are grown up.  Instead, there's been something rolling around my little brain pan of late so instead of Christmasy blues...we're going to pick on Americas most popular uber-conservative family:  The Duggars. First off, let me say:  I'm not bashing them, I don't hate or dislike them, and I'm not about to rip apart their way of life. OK, now that that's out of the way.  There's a lot of controversy with how they live and who they are.  Yes they are very devout Baptists and live according to the Patriarchal Movement.  This is a belief that holds the notion the father is the head of the household and the mother his "helpmeet".  Gender roles are very specific and held in high regard.  Thi...

I really love being married.  I enjoy calling this man "my husband".  I love every aspect of our life. Those are not phrases I would have uttered years ago.  As a matter of fact I didn't just not utter them, I went out of my way to express the opposite.  Not a great way to spend a decade with another person.  Many times I was asked why I got married, some people even assumed I was pregnant pre-wedding.  (for the record I was not, that happened a year in)  I did what I believed was best at the time, there was love there, my mother pushed, he asked, we talked...poof!  Teeny wedding in the park.  I can't remember, but I'm fairly sure the justice of the peace pronounced us "man and wife".  The idea began stirring in my little brain pan last night...what's the difference between "man and wife" and "husband and wife".  I get the notion that "man and wife" is a not-so-archaic way of saying "Ugg find wife!, Ugg bring her ...

I had two and a half paragraphs written up about money and how I am the queen of bill collector calls, etc.  I even had a Pink Floyd video ready to go.  Then Mother's day happened.   I guess I pour all this out to find some clarity or maybe it's all just psycho-therapy.  At this point it's one of the few things that keeps my head straight and bits of the anxiety at bay.  I've been studying human behaviors and why people do things or say things.  A good friend of mine and I psychoanalyze one another on the regular, she and I tend to be each others' mirror.  There are some behaviors I'm familiar with simply because I've seen/dealt with enough people with those patterns.  There are others that I've seen but throw me off to such a degree that I have to recover from the shock of being exposed to it.  One thing I have learned about myself:  I am no good at being a step parent.  I have completely failed in the 5 years I've had an ...