MUSINGS

It's been a roller coaster year, a few ups, some downs, some sad, some happy.  All in all, in spite of some of the sad moments, it was really good. I ran into a few struggles that I didn't see coming, apparently I'm not super woman after all! With all my friends around me having new children I'm slipping gracefully into that part of my life being completely over.  Some mothers are celebrating firsts and others are taking on numbers 2, 3, and 5.  Having some tests run confirmed suspicions that my own hormone levels have taken their dive a little earlier than most are accustomed to, that explains some of the ragey moments over the last year plus.  It's surreal for me.  Don't get me wrong I have NO desire for more children.  Especially not a tiny one.  It's nice being the mom and step mom of individuals who are self sufficient and capable.  I like having time to do what I'd like to do and people with whom to chat that can be articulate.  But ...

The little epiphanies just keep coming.  I've been working my way through this semester and ironically the classes I took all correlate. They also all link to where I am in my life.  Taking the appropriate steps to better myself unhindered was probably the wisest thing I've done in years....maybe ever.  It dawned on me a little ways through Humanities class why I don't read much anymore, and when I do, it's either historical fiction or some type of biographical work.  At some point around my time in Kuwait I stopped searching for the fantastic.  I stopped needing that escape that came with the novels written strictly for the imagination.  I still read (science) fiction, I haven't completely walked away from my favorite genre, but I tend toward the historically accurate works.  I like things that incorporate real life events with a personal story that is mostly created.  Because we can only guess at how the ancients lived, a writer has to fill...

Fitness.  Yeah, sorry, I warned ya! ;-) Fitness.  It's everywhere.  It's a dirty word for some and a lifestyle for others.  I've read blogs and posts from women my size and otherwise defending their right to be who they are and they size they are.  Many are defensive at the mention that they perhaps are not doing enough or do not have the "proper" body type.  This raises questions with me...it causes me to think:  "she who protests the loudest....".  We often protest the idea that we could be wrong or actually not doing enough.  I do this as much as anyone else.  I don't like for someone to put it to me that I actually *can* do more, be more, go farther, work harder.  I remember before I was enlisted I didn't believe what the recruiters and doctors told me.  I was only about 10 lbs over my "ideal weight" back then, but to them...I was fat.  A whopping 145 lbs at 5'3".   About 3 months ago I realized I was 100 lbs ov...