MUSINGS

It came...and it went.  It wasn't bad, we went camping for the weekend at a nice little state park not far from where we live.  I came away with a few bug bites, a new gnome for my flowers, and a cute wine glass to replace my favored one that I accidentally broke. For some weird reason I dreaded that holiday this year.  I wasn't looking forward to it...at all.  The topic of growing older/aging/maturing has come up in a couple different conversations with different people lately.  As you start moving up in years you begin to look backwards at either what you've done or what you've witnessed.  Our examples of who to be usually start with whomever had a hand in raising us.  I know that I'm like my mother.  I don't trust easily, I don't allow myself to get close to people, I'm very very cautious.  One of the biggest differences between us is how my relationship is with my own child.  We are nothing like my mother and I were at this same mo...

I have so much flying around in my brainpan these days.  This holiday season is going to be a very strange one.  There are family separations that I don't understand, and some that I do.  I lost my father this past month and my stepson, the Boy, lost his maternal grandfather earlier this year.  Those gaps will be very hard to fill.  There are so many more things going on that I just can't wrap my head around.  Death, that makes sense.  There's a level of ignorance happening around me that I can't abide and it's caused riffs that don't make sense to me. I was a reluctant mother.  That is not something I've exactly hidden.  I also took the necessary steps to make sure I never had anymore children regardless of what doctors, family members, and friends told me about it.  I know what happens when a woman follows gender roles or wants a baby to get a paycheck from some unsuspecting sap.  I was never going to follow those patterns, the ...