MUSINGS

I feel the need to preface this one so that it doesn't come off like a total bitch session.  I had a good weekend.  It was fun and a change from the norm, which is always welcome.  I got to see a couple little towns I didn't know much about and see some things I had never really been acquainted with.  I also got to see into my honey's personal life a little bit more.  For that point alone, I had a nice time. Now on to the rest of the story. I went to my first bowling tournament this past weekend.  A relatively small one, bowling with my honey and his family and their friends.  I had many reservations about the situation when it was first brought up to me.  You see, my honey has never had to deal with someone who wasn't ready to just pick up and go blindly without having to have some details.  I need trip details.  I need to know where I'm going and what I'm doing, otherwise I feel like a fool when people ask me questions.  I don't like being embarrasse

I put my altar up today.  It took some rearranging of things, making a new, clean space and some effort.  I'm glad it did.  That means it took a conscious decision to make it all happen.  It's been a long time coming.  I still have the altar cloth I was working on years ago when I lived in Texas.  I haven't finished it.  I never had a reason to, until now.  It's a "portable altar", meaning, small and light so I can take it and set it up where I need to when I need to.  Right now I need it to be in my house, in the most intimate and comfortable spot I can muster.  I didn't want it out in the open for any and all to have access to, so it's nestled comfortably by my side of the bed. Hand crafted by me, with some minor help from an angelic Alabama man, I intend to keep adding to it until at some point in time it feels....complete.  In the process of making space for it, I moved some things and decluttered the room just a bit.  It all needed to be done, I

As the months have passed and as I've tried to deny and hold on and make excuses and harbour bitterness, yet simple pleasure keeps creeping in.  The ex and I have been talking and getting along a bit more like grown folks lately.  For that I am grateful, I never wanted it to be awful between us.  It's funny though because he reached out at a moment when I was still struggling with some leftover resentment.  I think I've managed to put it away and perhaps it will stay put and not come crawling back to hinder me.   I've figured out that I can stop looking at all of this new moment in life as "the second go around".  It doesn't have to be second place, not if I don't want it to be.  That's where I get hinged up good and proper...I was raised do it right the first time or don't do it at all.  Welllll, didn't get it right the first time obviously...how do I handle the idea that I'm even allowed a redo?  It is really hard for me to see a