Necessary Screwups

the duck billed Platypus, nature's screwup ;-)

Have you ever noticed when something goes wrong, or awry, or simply not the way you wanted/hoped/intended, you blame yourself?  Well, some of us do anyway.  Maybe not right off the bat, but later when it all sinks in, you think, "damn, what could I have done differently? was this my fault?".  Of course at some point in that process we spend a good deal of time replacing that blame on whomever, whatever we can.  Does eating or placing all that blame really solve anything?  Or does it just make us feel better....?

I'd love to blame my ex for all the crappy things about our failed marriage, but I can't.  We both had a hand in wrecking it.  Now on my part, I need to make sure I don't take all the blame and agonize over it.  Work in progress.  The universe has a way of showing up at the right moment and saying, "hey fool! Take responsibility but learn to let go!".  That, folks, is what we all need to learn.  This is going to be a 2 part blog so bear with me please.

Part one:  The election/our part/social stereotypes

I voted for the very first time in my adult life this week.  Yes, I've gotten plenty of flack for it and don't really care.  In my humble opinion, the electoral college is an outdated system that should have been thrown out 20 years ago.  I have never believed in voting in a presidential election because the popular vote does not count.  Not to mention, in my 17 years of being eligible to vote, there has never been a candidate that was worth my time and I flat out refuse to vote for the "lesser of two evils".  My vote was thus:  I choose neither.  This round, there was a congressman I really liked and wanted in office.  He's got a runoff at the end of the month. 

Did it all turn out like I hoped?  Of course not.  It never does.  All we can do is sit and wait.  Can't blame everyone around us, can't blame ourselves.  All we can do is take responsibility for our own actions and know that we have the common sense and human decency to do so.  But, we can't dwell on it either, there are bigger forces at work and we have to let them work.  It ain't all about you all the time.  I hate to see systems abused as much as the next blue collar, tax paying worker, but I've also been on those systems.  I know for what they were intended.  We can't make other people better, we can't make other people do the right thing, and we can't make everyone follow the rules.  Hell, if we didn't have the rule breakers, we'd have nothing to defend or be proud of.

So sit back, and take care of the sovereign state of Jane Doe.  It'll all come out in the wash.  Promise.

Part two:  My own daemons/issues/whatnot's

Ever had something so profound hit you in a manner that shakes you to your very core?  Yeah me too.  Recently, as it were.  My thought this morning was something along these lines:  voting for president was about as useless as getting married.  Had I known ahead of time that he was going to throw in the towel, I never would have bothered.  If I had known that the popular vote was going to reflect one thing and the electoral college was going to do another, I wouldn't have wasted my time on that box.  Granted I didn't vote for either one of them but still....I simply wouldn't have done it at all. 

I don't like my time being wasted.  I don't like working for something, screwing up, starting over, fighting the good fight...only for it to go to pot anyway.  It doesn't just make me angry, it makes me sick to my stomach and beyond disappointed.  I mean, seriously, what kind of example does that set to my child?  Work work work.  Vote.  Pay your taxes.  Be as decent a person as you can.  Doesn't really matter because, no matter how much you do, how good you are, someone is going to come along and kick dirt on it anyway. 

A little extreme?  Yeah it is.  But that's what popped in my head.  I understand why my fella isn't ready to get married right now.  Do I like the idea?  A resounding NO.  But I understand it.  Do I understand why I have friends don't vote?  Yes I do.  I won't chastise them or tell them they have no right to complain about the state of the country.  I believe the ones who have no right to complain are those who do nothing to better it.  Those who are/were capable but don't work, those who refuse to get an education, those who work the system because they believe they are owed something....those people.  Those are the people who have no right to complain. 

I can't tolerate laziness, stupidity, or general malicious intent.  Mainly because I'm a woman in a mans industry, holding my own, making my mark.  That being said, I can't stop anyone from taking advantage, I can't make folks do right and I can't dwell on the fact that it all happens.  I couldn't make my marriage work.  It wouldn't have been very healthy anyway.  Neither could I make the election go the way I wanted.  All I can do is make sure me and mine are taken care of.  I can make sure my land, my resources, and my new family are all cultivated.  Those are things I can and will do.