March 25, 2013

The Day Camelot Fell

Anyone who knows Arthurian legend knows the saga of Lancelot and Guinevere.  From, The Lady of Shalott to The Crystal Cave, the story is basically the same:  two people, in love with the same person, fall victim to their desires.  You see, Arthur was more than a king, he was a warrior, he was a mentor and he was a friend.  He knew how to blur those lines just enough to please those around him and make himself feel complete.  Then the inevitable happened, the lines were blurred for him.  He was betrayed by his beloved friend, his wife's champion in the ring, his right hand.  He was also betrayed by the woman who gave him life, companionship, completeness.  They fell from grace by their lack of will power and strength.  Here's the clincher, neither of them was a "bad person".  They simply made a bad, bad choice and then ran with it.
Lemme 'splain.

You see, sometimes a body doesn't know how to tell someone else they have fallen and can't ask that person for help because that person is who's grace they have fallen from.  So, they simply fall.  Hard.  Fast.  Without a net.  In an effort to disguise the pain they caused both themselves and the other, they make an immediate defense move.  In the case of Lannie and Guinnie, they admitted their guilt after being discovered and tried to run.  It didn't work.  Lancelot couldn't stay away from his dutiful spot at the table, and Guinevere, being so beloved, went to a nunnery without a fight.  It didn't matter, the circle was already broken.  We can make all the amends and beg atonement all we want, once that circle is's broken.  They didn't mean to do damage, but damage was done nonetheless.  Arthur very well could have cut both their throats, found a new right hand man and a new woman.  He didn't, he maintained what semblance of decorum he had and carried on.

How does this relate to the here and now?...I got this, hold on.

I've seen it happen in recent times that when people do things with good intentions, they get in over their heads because they didn't know the gravity of the situation.  Then make a Hail Mary defense pass at trying to get one over the one they walked on.  I am one who does not sit back and allow them to slip quietly  into the nunnery or onto the road to wander while the circle remains split.  I am not so kind or good or compassionate.  And no, that's not me being down or hard on myself, that's fact.  When I was in high school, a couple girls, out of the blue, started up some fresh rumors about me.  I didn't go to them directly, I went to the school counsellor, sat them down in front of him, confronted them, called bullshit and went on with the rest of my day.  Nothing like that had ever happened before, the usual reaction is: start your own rumors, catch them in the bathroom and handle business, or go home and cry because everyone is talking about you.  Yeeaaahhh.  NO.  Not my style.  Whenever you are the "king" so to speak, you have to know when to either call bullshit, or allow one of your own to do it for you.  Maybe you are too blind with hope that the worst didn't actually happen.

So what do you do when you broke the circle, unintentionally or not?  What do you do if your circle was the one broken?  Do you lash out, rage, cry, build a fight that didn't exist before?  Take a look, that fight did not exist before it was created by someones inability to control their desires.  It is the lack of control that causes the conflict, not the object of the desire.  As long as people are able to pull up their big girl/boy panties, lay it all out on the table, fights are avoided.  I'm not saying it's going to be wine, roses and pearls, but it won't be some ugly reminiscent melodrama with no decent ending.  Hell, even porn has decent endings, do you really want your daily battles to have a crappier ending that a porno film??  Yeah, I didn't think so.  I takes a mighty person to look at themselves and say, "ooooo, I jacked that up six ways to Sunday."  It takes a lot to say, "hey ya know, I'm sorry I did wrong, I'm going to go over here and not be a pain in any one's rear for a while because I know it's not right.  On the same hand, it takes a mighty person, to say, "Ok, I forgive, but I will not forget, how's that convent in Jersey treating ya?  I'll sneak you some wine in the mail."

See, in Camelot, they didn't have to point fingers and say, "well I heard she was sleeping with Gawain", everyone who was important knew what was up.  The whole table knew exactly who was playing who, and what game they were on.  Do not ever believe that you are pulling the wool over every one's eyes, because there will always be that one, that one person who doesn't trust a soul on this living Earth and will see right through the bullshit.  The ironic thing is, they won't ever tell you they saw through it.

Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I'm too insightful for my own good, or maybe I'm full of it myself.  I've seen a lot of Camelots fall down, I lived through my own crashing in on me.  Camelot is a fantasy.  A dream of togetherness that will never be achieved as long as we are human, emotional, flawed, and out of peace with ourselves.  All we can do at that point is cut our losses, lick wounds, open doors and hearts to folks who have kicked us square in the heart.  The ones who hurt us the worst each and every time, are the ones who are closest to us because we dare to love them.  Open that door, but leave a crack in it....they may need to be shown it again in case the first lesson didn't stick.

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