Some People's Children....
What would you think if someone asked you to protect their child over yours?
I'm going to let that sink in for a moment.
Now the word "child" is relative in this particular instance. I don't necessarily mean child, as in small one, but child as in the offspring of another. An adult is still someone's child, even at 30.
A little further into the question: What if the things the other person's child did directly affected yours? This person is fully aware of their own actions and believes him/her self to be totally in the right. The parent could be asking for mercy due to their own personal issues and are somewhat unaware of their child's behavior. The kind of parent who believes their child will simply change their ways based on a call and a little fussing. Would you still take this parents request into consideration?
Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a person from doing what they should. Family illnesses, tragedies, losses of various kinds. Should these be the case, why wouldn't someone make those losses known, so they aren't held accountable for something they missed? To me that's just common sense. Then there are deliberate things a person does to prevent them from doing the right thing. Conscious actions. Those things may not be done with the specific intention of doing harm to another person, but that is a result of the action never the less. Perhaps the other person is simply an afterthought that becomes a casualty of willful disobedience.
I think a lot about parents and willful ignorance. As a parent I do understand that there are things that I miss in my daughter. Things I don't necessarily see, be it a flaw or even a success. We are often blind to the nature of the children we rear. There are times when we don't want to hear what someone else tells us in regard to our child's character, things we just don't want to see for ourselves. We have to remember, especially as they grow up and make life choices, that they will make poor choices. I can't completely fault the woman who asked me not to do anything that would get her child in bad trouble. I know she asked it out of concern for her image of her child. No mother wants to believe that their child would or could turn out like their deadbeat parent. We all want to believe our child is doing what is right and we believe whatever they tell us.
There are the parents who simply choose to see their child as the golden person. The one who does no wrong. That person will shrug their shoulders when told that their child is breaking the law or shirking a major responsibility. They allow themselves to believe the lie that the world is out to get their baby. The world is out to get no one.
That golden child is also a parent. That parent/child falls behind in their obligations, scoffs at the law givers, and basically says, "I'm going to do what I choose because I can". What can a guardian do? Complain. Send ugly messages or phone calls. Beg. Take it back to the judge. Allow the other person to just do whatever they want simply because it's easier in the long.
I guess the thing that gets me is...there is an awful lot of faith that slacker parent/child has in the other parent and step parent. That person really removes themselves from the equation so efficiently that they truly think their contribution is null and void. Especially if there is a huge amount of physical distance involved. There is no checks and balances system at that point. If there is a financial emergency in that household the guardian knows who they *can't* go to for help...so they don't even bother. The slacker parent/child just moves on with their life as if nothing happened, they tell their own parents that life is great...still out to get them, but great. And Of Course they're doing their part! That mean ole guardian is just demanding too much. It makes no difference if things fall behind a bit, the guardian has everything under control.
I'm not sure I'd be ok with allowing another woman to raise my child without having a peek in from time to time. But that's me. I guess it's a damn good thing I'm resilient and chose a good step father for my daughter. Not all women (or men) are so lucky. The comfort level it takes to live far away from your only child and just trust.....wow. I must not have been all bad then I suppose.....
I'm going to let that sink in for a moment.
Now the word "child" is relative in this particular instance. I don't necessarily mean child, as in small one, but child as in the offspring of another. An adult is still someone's child, even at 30.
A little further into the question: What if the things the other person's child did directly affected yours? This person is fully aware of their own actions and believes him/her self to be totally in the right. The parent could be asking for mercy due to their own personal issues and are somewhat unaware of their child's behavior. The kind of parent who believes their child will simply change their ways based on a call and a little fussing. Would you still take this parents request into consideration?
Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a person from doing what they should. Family illnesses, tragedies, losses of various kinds. Should these be the case, why wouldn't someone make those losses known, so they aren't held accountable for something they missed? To me that's just common sense. Then there are deliberate things a person does to prevent them from doing the right thing. Conscious actions. Those things may not be done with the specific intention of doing harm to another person, but that is a result of the action never the less. Perhaps the other person is simply an afterthought that becomes a casualty of willful disobedience.
I think a lot about parents and willful ignorance. As a parent I do understand that there are things that I miss in my daughter. Things I don't necessarily see, be it a flaw or even a success. We are often blind to the nature of the children we rear. There are times when we don't want to hear what someone else tells us in regard to our child's character, things we just don't want to see for ourselves. We have to remember, especially as they grow up and make life choices, that they will make poor choices. I can't completely fault the woman who asked me not to do anything that would get her child in bad trouble. I know she asked it out of concern for her image of her child. No mother wants to believe that their child would or could turn out like their deadbeat parent. We all want to believe our child is doing what is right and we believe whatever they tell us.
There are the parents who simply choose to see their child as the golden person. The one who does no wrong. That person will shrug their shoulders when told that their child is breaking the law or shirking a major responsibility. They allow themselves to believe the lie that the world is out to get their baby. The world is out to get no one.
That golden child is also a parent. That parent/child falls behind in their obligations, scoffs at the law givers, and basically says, "I'm going to do what I choose because I can". What can a guardian do? Complain. Send ugly messages or phone calls. Beg. Take it back to the judge. Allow the other person to just do whatever they want simply because it's easier in the long.
I guess the thing that gets me is...there is an awful lot of faith that slacker parent/child has in the other parent and step parent. That person really removes themselves from the equation so efficiently that they truly think their contribution is null and void. Especially if there is a huge amount of physical distance involved. There is no checks and balances system at that point. If there is a financial emergency in that household the guardian knows who they *can't* go to for help...so they don't even bother. The slacker parent/child just moves on with their life as if nothing happened, they tell their own parents that life is great...still out to get them, but great. And Of Course they're doing their part! That mean ole guardian is just demanding too much. It makes no difference if things fall behind a bit, the guardian has everything under control.
I'm not sure I'd be ok with allowing another woman to raise my child without having a peek in from time to time. But that's me. I guess it's a damn good thing I'm resilient and chose a good step father for my daughter. Not all women (or men) are so lucky. The comfort level it takes to live far away from your only child and just trust.....wow. I must not have been all bad then I suppose.....
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