MUSINGS

So, I'm the family screw up.  So to speak.  I didn't end up as bad as they thought I would, but I certainly didn't follow the "plan".  I wasn't a great student, hated school in fact, dated boys I shouldn't have, and wore black...all the time.  I did go to college, but I didn't finish, partied far too much, almost married a fella that my dad didn't approve of, and later married a fella that they really didn't approve of.  I have tattoos and piercings, and now I'm shacked up with a fella they adore.  Pretty much the things I did right were: go to work, join the corps, and have a baby within wedlock.  It hit me tonight, I've been getting bitched at my whole life by one person or another.  I was having a "talk" with my honey, he hates those.  For good reason; I'm a talker, to the point of annoyance.  I was constantly corrected growing up, my aunt often said that everything I touched, I broke.  I was loud, fast moving...

It hit me in my last post that when I brought up the ex and his ways.  I consciously stopped myself from beating a dead horse.  It didn't clearly hit me why that was so poignant till this weekend.  He showed up to spend some time with his little girl for a combo Christmas/birthday visit.  Now this is out of his norm; thus far, his visits have been sporadic at best, and there has always been an excuse as to why they are.  This one was a surprise, and she enjoyed it very much, even though it was somewhat short.  I'd like to revel in my own feelings about the visit, but I can't.  I'd like to go on and on about him bringing yet another woman and replacement child down with him, and throw in how he used her car to travel....but I can't.  I don't want to.  I don't want to because, for the first time, the first Real time since everything was finalized and all has been said and done...........I'm over him.  I saw him Sunday and that wasn't...

I'm not a prissy woman...anymore.  I'm not sure I ever was a real girly girl, but these days, I'm pretty far off the mark.  I see my little one struggling with similar issues that I have.  She's not a tomboy exactly but she's not into the prissy, everything pink and polka-dot theme, that a lot of the girls around here sport.  Not that she doesn't like it, I think it's just not her style.  Being in middle school she's surrounded by growing, changing kids on the verge of puberty.  I'll be the first to say that her father and I were as close to being hippies without actually being hippies, as people can be.  We wanted as simple a life and family as we could create.  That, of course, got skewed somewhere down the road, but we did one thing right: a smart, fairly well-rounded child.  She is artistic, she knows who she is and what she likes and speaks for herself.  There are a lot of kids who aren't any of those things; not by their own...

A great lady friend of mine posted a blog on her own site this week.  I invite everyone to read and enjoy.  While you're there, take a look around, she is a great writer and a her work is a joy to read.  http://southernkitchenwitch.com/2012/01/09/guest-post-food-for-the-soul/

but I had to kill'er..."                         Ex's.  Not so much mine but....his.  Although mine has been a raging disappointment these last couple years, I don't want to get into that any more.  I'm done beating him, and myself, up.  No this is about how I handle being not just an ex-wife, but dealing with the ex-wife of my fella.  For as Catholic as South La. is, they are some divorcing fools around here.  It's easier for me to count the folks with the original set of parents than those who come from some type of broken home, ours is no different.  We did the Brady Bunch combo and we are a pretty well adjusted, dysfunctional family.  We work. I have hang ups.  I don't like to admit that I have a jealous streak, but I do.  My classic statement is, "I'm not jealous, I'm possessive".  I don't like the idea t...