When someone comes into your life that has a shady past yet refuses to acknowledge it, it kind of grinds on a body. Maybe I'm just jaded, or maybe I'm just too old for bullshit. I'm sure it's a mix of the two. It's no secret that I have no love for seemingly privileged folk, or those who believe themselves to be more than the truly are. Mine is a constant effort to be exactly what I am, nothing more, nothing less. Others are not so inclined. There are women in this world who have taken steps to entrap men, use them, and then toss them aside. They get their panties in a twist when their plans get messed up by said man. Maybe that man wasn't so easy to shake, or maybe he put up a fight for that baby she trapped him with. Either way, when one is faced with ones daemons, folks need to sit back, take their medicine, and remember: You're just another speck on the great Earth of ours, no one owes you anything you didn't earn.
I was spoiled in the ways a backwoods child is spoiled, we get the candy the older ones didn't get, slack from the parents, i.e. sassiness and attitude, we could get away with a few things older siblings couldn't. That's about the extent of spoiling a country child. I was still expected to know how to keep house, change oil, do my homework and pass every year, and graduate. I was expected to get married and pregnant- in that order (which I did). I was expected to work, earn, and pay my own way. I have made it a point to raise my child in the same manner. I married a man from the same basic ideal, and about to marry one with a very strong work ethic. I have never been given the idea that I am privileged in any way, neither am I entitled to anything beyond what I earn. My family are very hard workers and we know that money is fluid, we might need it but we don't live for it. My daughter has already begun earning her own money. She knows well the difference in being given handouts and being given things because you deserve them, and she does not want to be a "kept woman".
I remember my mother framed my first pay check when I was 12. I picked blueberries for a family friend. I started at 6 am when it was cool, as blueberries bloom and produce during the summer months. I made my own money that year. I bought a Caboodle, a crimping iron, and I'm not sure how many AC/DC and Aerosmith tapes. I have known how to appreciate money and how to earn it for a long time. My child has and will learn the exact same lesson,. I refuse to raise a spoiled, lazy, greedy child. Thankfully my ex feels the exact same way I do. See, he and I, even in our moment of dissension, are fairly alike when it comes to the basic rules regarding our daughter. She will not end up ignorant and needy. She will not use men as a means to an end and she will be educated. Period. She MUST have an education. She MUST be independent. She MUST be self reliant yet not self serving. School and homework for our girl is not an option. I'm hard on her, just as when her father and I were together. Honey has mentioned several times that I need to back off. This has been met with attitude from me and the statement that she must do well because she is a girl. Women will always be oppressed, therefore if she doesn't do her best now, she will be downtrodden and taken advantage of. Positive reinforcement? Sure. Also, truth, bold statements, and Marine Corps style motivation. Period. She will grow up knowing that she can do anything, hold any job, and does not need a man to provide it all so she can idly sit in a fine house.
The thing about my ex and I that keeps us from being eaten up in bitterness is this: we have always agreed on how to raise our child. We put one another through hell and we can both say that out loud. But never has either of us used her as a means to get at the other one. Then again, he and I were married for 11 years, we travelled the US together and were each others best friend, we meant to get married. And we were unsure but happy when we had our child. We have taught her that to lie is abhorrent, to use people is cruel, and that she must be the best person she can be. Now I've known a lot of women who've gotten pregnant out of wedlock, I don't find it awful or even immoral. Babies are never something to mourn, no matter how they come into this world. What chaps me is a woman who will deliberately find a sucker, get pregnant, have a shotgun wedding because her father makes her and then proceed to ruin the life of the man she entrapped. I've seen this pattern happen several times. Ones who figured they would stick around long enough to be granted a good child support check and maybe a little alimony, leave before anything serious was invested, then keep that man on a string for as long as she can.
Women like this are a dime a dozen in society. They were taught early how to snare a man who has money and spend the rest of their lives either in search of said man, or trying to create one with the fella they end up with. They are usually either married several times or they jump from bed to bed in search of the perfect pocket book until one day they land on the right one. The seduction starts again, only this time it's "why yes honey I DO like what you like" when in reality it's all just a joke. It's easy to bed a man when you've perfected the technique, it's even easier to keep the lie going when you have him working like a dog for months at a time. Just make sure that check is coming in, as long as he's gone and mama can go play everything is kosher. Want to hear the clincher? You ditch the sucker. Find the perfect fool with deep pockets. Buy the perfect house. Spoil the kids till they lose sight of real life. Then call the ex when your car breaks down. Call the sucker that you threw away because you need to keep him on that string. Make him feel needed. It's a pretty classic manipulation technique. Some are just better at it than others. All the while using the child as bait...then the child grows up, sees what life really is and realizes that family names and charisma only get you so far in life. The child learns to manipulate the manipulator in fine form. The child learns what buttons to push, when to smile and how to lie to make things cascade in their favour every time.
So what happens when the sucker finds someone who gets him? Well, he wakes up. He opens his eyes one day after a particularly rough night, looks at the woman next to him and realizes...she could care less how much money he makes. She could care less about a big house, multiple cars, a savings account, or a family business. All she wants is the man. When that happens-- that woman who did her best to wreck him-- loses all the grip she ever had. She loses the safety net, she loses the scapegoat, she loses her patsy. She's too old to find a new one and too invested in the current squeeze to let go anyway. A good friend of mine wrote a fine piece on Karma while back, she mentions that in order for Karma to work the person in Karmic question has to have done something to earn said retribution. When someone uses the phrase "only God can judge me" & it's thrown out as an "F U" statement, well....guess what, you're not doing your God any favours by carelessly casting about his/her name. Narrowly missing being picked up by CPS during the baby's youth doesn't help either, among other manipulative atrocities that are conducted over the years. The only thing one can do is own up to said atrocities, make amends and atonement.
As with all things there are three sides to every story, his, hers, and the truth. The problem with the truth is, it does come out eventually. When it finally does, that woman.... the one with the fine house, the six figure income, and the lack of self respect is reduced to nothing more than she actually is. Nothing more. Nothing less.