I would like to think that everyone is working on themselves in some form or fashion. Whether they are doing the physical things to keep themselves healthy, or the mental things to keep themselves aligned, or both to keep themselves balanced, I hope we are all working for a positive goal. For me that goal is to do as much as I possibly can for those I come in contact with. As with any endeavor there are times when I have fallen short and flat out failed. For the last 5 years I have believed my marriage to be one of the failures. Was it? Maybe. But I can't say for certain anymore.
I have been told numerous times over the last few years that it took two to make it and two to break it. For a long while I vehemently fought against this reasoning, feeling the need to absorb all blame unto myself in some act of ultimate self-sacrifice. Well ya'll, Big Mama herself called bullshit on that one. She just took her sweet time letting it all come out. The one thought that has resounded for me lately is, "I've admitted mine, worn my scarlet letter and done the work why can't the others do it too??? It's not fair..." Life happens in odd ways. God works in mysterious ones. I don't like to revel in others' misfortune and genuinely don't wish ill on folks, but I do insist on justice, fairness, and right for everyone to have their say. And by "have their say" I don't mean whine about how bad your plight was, I mean lay out your version of the story but make sure it's the truth. Every story has a personal spin to it, it's hard for people to step back from a situation and detach themselves from it. Sometimes it just takes a while for emotions to settle before the actual truth of the matter can form in ones mind. But ya'll....heaven help the wrong-doers who haven't owned up when those truths hit the wind.
The universe is funny when doling out that justice or those even keel moments. I'm sure you're familiar with that feeling, that "dang whens it going to be my turn?!" and then hitting Bingo the one time you play in a year or having good friends to bear you up in hard times. When we're young and we're broke and we think the world owes us something, those lessons come few and far between. We think it's a punishment and it isn't. It's the universe telling us to slow down for a minute, wait--it's coming. Usually during the moments that clarity happens there is a catalyst. A big, bright cataclysmic event.
I'm going to tell a little story.
Let's pretend there are 3 hens on a large farm. As hens go there is the setting hen-good for eggs, the fainting hen-good for a laugh, and the bold hen-good for yard control. There is also a clever fox, this fox is very sweet and very cunning. He is a kind fox, he never tries to attack the yard, so the hens become used to his presence. He becomes like a common old dog in the yard, quiet and watchful. Each hen begins to bring him gifts: one-some corn, another a fat worm, and still another one of her precious eggs. They each do this secretly so as not to arise suspicion in the chicken yard. The fox takes the gifts and never lets on that he is friendly with any other chickens. So sly is the fox that the hens never know that she isn't the only hen. As the fox befriends new hens he slowly begins to turn on the older ones. A nip here, a bruise there, but always sad, hungry, apologetic eyes. One day the fainting hen sees the setting hen giving away her egg only to be nipped in the wing by the fox. The fainting hen faints and wakes up to see the bold hen drop her mornings corn in front of him. She sees the ruse and sees the fox for what he is: a fox in the hen house, not a fellow of the farm.
Late that night in the hen house the fainting hen gathers her fellow hens together and warns them all. The littlest hen did not believe her and set out to prove the old fainting hen wrong. To the horror of the yard the next morning, littlest hen was laying motionless in the sunlight and sly fox was lying in wait for another with the slightest spot of bright blood upon his muzzle. The old hens raised their hackles and flew at the beast with all their might, scratching and scarring him until he ran from their yard with his tail between his legs. Littlest hen wasn't dead, she'd learned a fine trick from the old fainting hen...after the dust settled she raised her pretty white head and shook off the dust and dirt. She allowed the old hens to clean her and groom her till her feathers shone and lived out her days laying eggs and living without fear because she knew she was not alone.
Sly fox was not so sly as he believed. He took the hens kindness as their weakness. Anytime someone or something weak is preyed upon without mercy, there is retribution. Big Mama does not allow her babies to be worked over, abused, or slighted. There was a phrase I read on a meme a long while back and it has just now become relevant to me.
I am not so naive as to believe women are flawless or are incapable of hurting others. I do know, however, that women are born to be nurturers, protectors, and life-bearers. We are geared from birth to love unconditionally as long as we receive it in kind. As such beings, if ill has been done, there is a reason. This world is a living, breathing organism, a female one. If you don't believe that, then you need a biology lesson. The universe sees every deed, everything done to maintain balance or to set balance off. There is a level of give and take in the world, "You hurt me, I hurt you back" in a manner of speaking. It sounds awful but it is balanced. It becomes unbalanced when the "hurt you back" part becomes a life long endeavor to hurt or damage as much or as many as possible. Once you tip those scales, it's hard to put things back where they should be.
Kharma is amazing. I don't mean in the negative, "ooo you bout to get jacked up!" way. I mean there are times when the good comes back around because you paid your dues. The job from that point forward you keep up the work and keep working on yourself.
For my other half, J. -->