MUSINGS

I have so much flying around in my brainpan these days.  This holiday season is going to be a very strange one.  There are family separations that I don't understand, and some that I do.  I lost my father this past month and my stepson, the Boy, lost his maternal grandfather earlier this year.  Those gaps will be very hard to fill.  There are so many more things going on that I just can't wrap my head around.  Death, that makes sense.  There's a level of ignorance happening around me that I can't abide and it's caused riffs that don't make sense to me. I was a reluctant mother.  That is not something I've exactly hidden.  I also took the necessary steps to make sure I never had anymore children regardless of what doctors, family members, and friends told me about it.  I know what happens when a woman follows gender roles or wants a baby to get a paycheck from some unsuspecting sap.  I was never going to follow those patterns, the ...

It was a surreal Halloween this year.  I didn't decorate.  I didn't cook or celebrate, or even give out candy to the few kids who came to the door. I didn't have a little one of my own to take out & trick or treat with.  She was out of state doing teenage things & mama was left home to her own devices.  So what did mama do?  Went to a local metal show & a wedding. Halloween night hosted dinner with the Honey, something we don't get to do often anymore.  If we have the time, we don't have the cash... If we have the cash, we don't have the time.  We took advantage of families being home & went during trick or treating time.  It was nice to not have a half hour wait on Friday night.  He ended up dropping me off later that night to go support my friend's band & get some time in with one of my favorite lady friends.  Plenty of fun was had, got my fill of loud, obnoxious punk & figured out I speak "white girl" Span...

So we made it a whole year.  I'm sure there were nay-sayers out there somewhere quipping that this wouldn't happen.  Well, to them I say: PPPFFFTTTTHHHH.  Ha!  For the rest of the world that knew from jump that we'd be fine, there is a firm handshake and a wink in it for ya.  That 3+ years we spent doing the relationship dance was Nooo indicator of whether we'd make it or not. (yes sarcasm).  I'm being cynical.  I can honestly say, never once did word ever travel back to me that anyone doubted our union, however unconventional it may be. It's been an eventful year.  We've managed to keep Honey's family business alive while keeping our home intact, I started back to college after a 15 year hiatus, the kids have hit major milestones, all without complete chaos.  Not to say there haven't been some ups and downs, good moments and bad, but it's been....life.  Nothing so bad that it couldn't be handled...and nothing to tip the scale the othe...

The little epiphanies just keep coming.  I've been working my way through this semester and ironically the classes I took all correlate. They also all link to where I am in my life.  Taking the appropriate steps to better myself unhindered was probably the wisest thing I've done in years....maybe ever.  It dawned on me a little ways through Humanities class why I don't read much anymore, and when I do, it's either historical fiction or some type of biographical work.  At some point around my time in Kuwait I stopped searching for the fantastic.  I stopped needing that escape that came with the novels written strictly for the imagination.  I still read (science) fiction, I haven't completely walked away from my favorite genre, but I tend toward the historically accurate works.  I like things that incorporate real life events with a personal story that is mostly created.  Because we can only guess at how the ancients lived, a writer has to fill...

My head is spinning. Yeah, yeah, what else is new right? I've been walking around my old campus rekindling old connections and creating all new ones, both with people and the school itself.  It was surreal at first.  During the summer while I was there, it was a bit daunting to look around me and not quite recognize what I was looking at.  You see, they are renovating and making new spaces and updating the whole campus.  There's a strange refreshing similarity/difference blend going on that sort of sneaks up on you. All the old hangouts have pretty much either been demolished or turned into something completely different.  The popular cafe when I was in college back then has long since been gone, it's a Papa John's (of all things) now.  The dorms I lived in are gone, the one he lived in is gone now too, I was witness to a portion of it's destruction just this past week.  It's very interesting to watch history be washed away and replaced.  Symb...

Moving the divorce side of things to a different location.  This one will still be up and full of wonderfulness.  I just don't want the weight of the past life hanging around, I don't live there anymore. So, for those interested, check out the Southern Divorcee at Tumblr. http://sndivorcee69.tumblr.com/ and the first new blog there: http://sndivorcee69.tumblr.com/post/97651121352/false-hope Trot on over and give a look-see.  Feedback is always welcome.  And yes there is one coming here soon as well. We have fall & school & high school football to talk about!!

There have been a lot of articles flying around me this last week or so.  Ferguson, abortion, the cops, the media, fraudulent companies...things varying in nature and weight.  There seemed to be a theme among most of what I read.  I tend to read the comments below the articles simply because I find more useful information there than the article itself.  The conclusion I came to has been quite interesting to me. I've always tried to maintain a mental air of neutrality.  Yes, I have opinions and occasionally I'll lean more toward one side than another, but I try hard to see both for what it is.  The thing that resonates with me on heavy topics is that people find a side and vehemently defend it, regardless of common sense, evidence, or empathy.  I don't have that ability.  Well, at least not without a certain amount of listening, reading, observing, and thinking.  I can't take anything on face value, I never could.  Not that I don't ...